Adventures in Candyland

Maggie Sottero...briliant designer.

2010-07-05T19:20:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a long long time since I've been on here...again. But I honestly have a great excuse this time. Right after finals were over last winter, holidays set in and that's always crazy for anyone. And then the most amazing thing happened.

Christmas Eve 2009, Brent proposed. So...naturally, I was completely swamped for the following six months. Trying to do everything for the wedding AND going to school. It was insanely busy and exhausting. But June 5th 2010, we were married at Thanksgiving Point Utah surrounded by friends and family in a beautiful rose garden.It was fantastic. I'll post more about the proposal and the wedding later, but I wanted to get on here and write a bit about my dress.

I bought a Maggie Sottero gown, the Rhianna Royale. It is an amazing gown. Beautifully crafted and exquisitely unique. I finally submitted my story to Maggie's website last night, and that prompted me to get my butt on here and start writing.

So this post is just short and sweet. I wanted to let everyone know how amazing Maggie Sottero wedding gowns are, and to definitely check them out if you're getting married :)
Below is one of my bridals...beautiful gown.

STRESS

2009-12-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

So, I have OF COURSE been SO busy lately! I'm drowning in papers and facts about the U.S. Government trying to prepare for finals. Whoever invented Finals Week SUCKS! I've barely had time to sleep the past few weeks. So, naturally, I haven't been updating my blog.

I had no idea my little brother read my blog. In fact, it's a little scary that he does...he knows all my deep dark secrets!! But, he's a great kid and I have to admit I was quite flattered when I got the notification of an anonymous comment on my blog, via Email.

"Candace, you need to do some updating on your blog. OK? hehe. You make me laugh. Make sure, that no matter what you have to do in the day, with college, work or any sort of stressor, remember to do one thing a day that makes you happy. And pray. I love you so much! Who knows when you'll get this, because you never get on your cool little blog. haha. Love you sis!

~Alex :)"

Talk about a cool kid, right? Figures that I'd get a reminder not to let stress COMPLETELY TAKE OVER MY LIFE, from my kid brother.
He's right. No matter what's going on, I need to be on here! So once again, I'm going to try and get my sexy ass in gear and blog!

Yay Me

2009-11-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

All I have to say today is, I'm proud of myself! I did exactly what I wanted to yesterday...I blogged and then I ACTUALLY PLAYED AROUND WITH PHOTOSHOP!!
It was really good to get my mind off of everything and just focus on doing something to make ME happy.

Busier.

2009-11-04T08:21:00.000-08:00

I don't know how I always manage to neglect the things that make me happy. I have been so caught up in the never-ending frenzied world of full time college, that I haven't posted in weeks. I haven't even used the Photoshop program that I was SO EXCITED TO GET from Terri. That's like sacrelig. Seriously.
I'm going through a lot right now. But things will get better, they always do. I'm just once again, going to try and make more of an effort to get my butt on here and do what I love.

Busy

2009-08-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

This week has been full of excitement...so much that I haven't had the time to post.

The first week of school is always really busy, and being sick made it that much busier. But, as I said in my previous post, my Dad took care of that. Now all I've got is this nasty cough.
But anyway, I was super busy all week.
I got my Work Study job at the Utah Museum if Fine Arts, which is going to be so awesome! And on Friday I got my brand new MACBOOK PRO!!!
I have been going crazy. I can't access the internet on it at home until tomorrow so, I had to wait until we came down to Brent's. His sister has a Mac and she helped me get everything all set up and ready to go :) So I've been having a blast. I can't wait to take this baby to campus!

Miracle Dad

2009-08-26T17:56:00.002-07:00

So I think I may be the offspring of a miracle man.
Which makes me something like a miracle.
Anyway, my Dad is a doctor. He practices both conventional and alternative medicine and He's amazing at what he does. Last night he came over and gave me these essential oils to use; one I had to put on my tongue, one to rub on my neck and face, one to inhale, and one to take with water. They taste awful, but they work! I was seriously, practically on my death bed last night and after taking the oils, I woke up this morning doing much better. I still feel pretty shitty, but at least I can breathe and taste the food I'm eating. Not to mention, I no longer sound like a cartoon character. So I'm quite pleased and impressed. I've NEVER had something work so quickly. Especially with this bad of an infection.

So, with any luck, I'll be completely better by this weekend...which I really REALLY need. It's my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY (!!!) a week from tomorrow....I've got to get er...ready. ;)

Snot Nose. Yes, I do realize exactly what that statement does for my sex appeal. Bite me.

2009-08-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

"Mom, quit making fun of me! I can't help how I sound!"

"You just sound SO STUPID!"

"Gee thanks. I'm MISERABLE. I've gone through AN ENTIRE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER in twelve hours. My nose is rubbed completely raw! I don't understand how I can produce THAT MUCH SNOT."

"Well, it's your body fighting the infection."

"Well, I wish Snot would hurry up and win so It could go away."

Shit Happens

2009-08-25T17:31:00.000-07:00

For some reason, completely unknown to me, something ALWAYS happens right when I get back up blogging. This time it was Verizon.
There were complications with our bill for whatever reason and as a result, our service was cut. No phones and no Internet. FOR FIVE DAYS. After several calls to them they finally figured out what was wrong and credited our account close to four hundred dollars and we were reconnected.
This was around last Thursday.
So why haven't I been writing? I've had Internet for about four days after all.
Well, I was preparing and making absolutely sure I had everything ready for school to start yesterday.
I also happened to get sick.
Very sick in fact. Miserably, sick. Ready to cut my nose right off my face just so I can breathe again, sick. I sound like a bad version of a cross between Elmer Fudd and Patrick Star from Spongebob. And it's the FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL. And my first full time semester. And I'm having to try and COMPLETELY REARRANGE MY ENTIRE SCHEDULE WHICH IS HARD ENOUGH TO BUILD IN THE FIRST PLACE LET ALONE DURING THE CHAOS OF THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL.

God apparently, has a very dry sense of humor.

Don't Feed the Bear

2009-08-16T23:15:00.000-07:00

So, I think I may know why I've been having such bad anxiety.
I figured part of it was probably because Brent is out hunting and I worry about him even when he's just driving to work. To be honest, I worry about anyone who's driving anywhere. Which really isn't as over paranoid as that might sound. That's just what happens when you've been in as many car accidents as I have. Lying strapped down to a back board wearing a neck brace will do that to you. But back to the point of this post.

Brent called me this morning when he found a spot out there that had service. I asked him if he'd gotten his buck this morning while he was out hunting. He hadn't gone out because he'd been up all night chasing a bear out of their campsite. A BEAR. I almost passed out when he told me.
My baby, the absolute love of my life had been in danger. Well, as he tells it, he would have been fine because he sleeps in the bed of his truck, but he couldn't sleep because his dad and nephews were in tents. So he actually didn't see the bear which I guess made me feel a little better. But not much. The bear came through twice. Which means it could very well come again tonight. Which really doesn't do much to ease my anxiety. Though it does shed some light on why I might be having it. At least I know I'm not crazy.
I asked him if he had ever had that happen before while he was out hunting.

"Me personally? No."

"Great. So the one time you go hunting and I'm really really worried about you and riddled with anxiety, a freakin bear comes through your camp."

Some would find the irony of that humorous. I'm not really feeling the urge to laugh.

ANXIETY

2009-08-15T02:47:00.000-07:00

I don't know what is wrong with me but I have had the WORST anxiety ALL DAY LONG. I just can't shake it. I feel ridiculous. Afraid of everything yet nothing.
I tried to busy myself to get out of my funk, so I went over to Jesse & Whitney's to hang out. They tried to make me laugh and get me feeling better but nothing really worked. I'd laugh for a minute and then have anxiety about having a good time and just staying the night with them and then possibly waking up in the middle of the night freaked out and wanting to go home, but being too afraid to drive. I almost stayed there just because I was too afraid to drive in the dark so late.
So, my seventeen year old brother and his friend drove over there to come follow me home so I wouldn't be afraid.
I feel like such an idiot. It's almost three in the morning and I was just saved by my little brother. And really, there wasn't anything to be technically saved from.

I honestly don't know what my deal is. I just feel REALLY weirded out. Like something bad has happened or is about to. I definitely don't like it. And I really hope everything is OK.

Concentrate.

2009-08-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

One good thing about Brent being gone is that I'm forced to find things to do other than be with him. As much as I absolutely love spending time with him, I think it's good for a relationship to be able to be two independent people. And though I miss him like crazy, last night I actually had a great time.
Zack, one of my very best friends, came over and we stayed up till four in the morning watching a movie and talking. It was a blast! Almost like we stepped back in time about four years. We still joke about the same stuff and have the same old quirky habits to tease each other about. And as always, I can talk to him about anything and everything, and he still has the patience to listen to me. ;) Even to the point where actually taking in what I'm saying, leads to discomfort.

Me: (jumping up and down, fluttering my hands and looking at the light trying to sneeze)

Zack: "Sneeze?"

Me: "Ah! You took it away!!"

Zack: "Haha..."

Me: "Seriously. It takes a certain amount of concentration to get a sneeze to come out. If you concentrate too hard on trying to sneeze then it won't come. But if you don't concentrate hard enough you still won't be able to get it out. It takes just the right amount of concentration to sneeze."

Zack: "Oh my...I've never thought about the concentration it takes to sneeze. From now on when I need to sneeze, I'm going to think of the word 'balance'."

Me: "I'm telling you, it's true. I know I'm a little weird but, I promise it's true."

I got a text from Zack about a half an hour ago...the conversation follows:

Z: "I just concentrated too hard on a sneeze."

M: "Hahaha. Did it not come?"

"NO!"

"Hahaha. That's awesome"

"I owe you one now!"

"Haha. Yes you do"

I knew I was always right about everything. Good thing I've got Zack to remind me.

Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off

2009-08-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

So, I'm starting to think that maybe Summertime isn't the best time for me to try and keep up with my blog.
I have been SO INCREDIBLY BUSY this summer. It's weird. Usually my summer consists of working and going to the pool. Well, seeing as I am jobless, I've had a lot of extra free time on my hands, and seeing as I'm practically engaged; I've been filling that free time with Brent's family.

I've been meaning to get on here every day and write about all the fun things we've been doing, but by the time I actually have the chance to sit down and focus on writing, I'm usually too tired. I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

I could go into detail about the birthdays, and meeting his sister from New York and ALL HER KIDS and the second family reunion up at Strawberry Reservoir, complete with looking at the moon through a spotting scope which is so amazingly cool, might I add, and my very first time fishing, and the makings of a kick ass glow-in-the-dark bikini, and glow stick porn. But it would take much too long to recount. So, I'm just letting you all know that I really have been very, very busy. I will, however, try to get back to updating more often.
I should have the time at least this week...Mom's out of town till next Tuesday and Brent just left here about an hour ago to go hunting for a week.
So, I'll be sitting in my sweltering house with two dogs, one of which is in heat and on steriods, three cats, and whichever kid decides not to stay at Dad's the whole week. I'm sure I'll find plenty to write about.

Girls Weekend...and That's NOT my name

2009-07-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

So I really haven't been slacking, I've just been away from a computer. I spent the weekend with Brent's Mom and sisters in Island Park Idaho. It was loads of fun...just hung out and relaxed and played card games and did lots and lots of laughing. I'm so happy to be part of the family.

I only wish they would stop calling me the "S" word.
I know it's got to be hard when your little brother was married for 2 years (to a total bitch might I add) to completely forget the X. And slipping up and saying her name is totally normal. I mean we've all done it in my house and called Brent the "D" word. But the last time that happened was sometime last year.
I'm sorry, but I've been around for a little over a year now and still, someone always manages to call me by her name. It's getting really old. And it hurts. Despite their reassurances that they absolutely couldn't stand her, and I'm SOOO much better, and smarter, and all that jazz.
So I try to smile and say kindly, "It's OK. Don't worry about it." When really I want to scream "MY NAME IS CANDACE! I'VE BEEN AROUND FOR A YEAR AND I'M GOING TO MARRY YOUR BROTHER SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE! FUCKING GET IT RIGHT!!!"

I know they don't mean to and they always feel really really bad after it happens, but I still have a really hard time swallowing it.
And don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore his family. I LOVE every one of them, and we all get along great. We really did have an awesome time this weekend, and I got even closer to his sisters than I was before. I just really REALLY don't like being called it's name.
I'm a pretty easy going person, but there are just some things that even I can't handle after so long. I don't want to seem like a bitch, or that I'm ungrateful for his family. That is DEFINITELY NOT the case. I almost didn't even write about it on here, just in case one of them decided to read my blog. But I doubt any of them will...I'm not even sure I've told many of them about this blog; and if they do happen to read it, oh well. Maybe it'll make them realize what they're doing and stop.

That's Gotta be So HOT!

2009-07-21T20:15:00.000-07:00

Our air conditioner broke last night so our house feels like a furnace. I can't hardly even think I'm so hot. Dane Cook's comic blurb on being "fully engulfed in fire" keeps running through my mind.
If anyone has any ides on how to stay cool aside from running around naked all day; suggestions would be much appreciated.

Fat Wraps

2009-07-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

So I know, I've been slacking on here but I went boating with my sister and her boyfriend and all the kids on Friday and it totally wiped me out for the weekend. We were on the lake for a good seven hours and I got a beautiful scarlet sunburn. So I spent the rest of the weekend recuperating.

Today however, I've been very busy. My mom threw a Fat Wrap party.
I'm pretty sure they're called something else, but for lack of a better term, I'm referring to them as Fat Wraps. The way it works is, you're supposed to pick a place on your body that you'd like to wrap; the wraps themselves have some sort of herbal concoction that's supposed to detox your body and break down the fat cells in that particular area, resulting in losing a few inches off said area.
I wasn't particularly interested in the whole losing inches part, I'm quite fond of my body the way it is. In fact, I wasn't going to do one at all until I heard about the detox part. So, I figured, "What the hell" and went for it. So I, along with everyone else at the party, was measured and then had my stomach all wrapped up for the forty-five minutes until it was time to re-measure. Everyone lost a few inches...everyone except ME. Now, I'm not concerned with my stomach they way it is, but that definitely doesn't mean I want to gain anything in that general area. My butt, yes. My stomach, NO. I was the only person that gained.
I got what's called a "toxic bloat". Of course. Just my luck. Apparently, you're not really supposed to do one of these Fat Wraps while on your period. Something that wasn't mentioned to me until after the fact. So now, I look like I've gained at least five pounds right in my belly. My regular "that time bloat" magnified by a stupid ass "toxic bloat". Brilliant.
So, if any of you ever decide to do a Fat Wrap, make sure you're not on your period!!

Bittersweet

2009-07-17T01:11:00.001-07:00

It's so late and I'm exhausted, but I'm really trying very hard to keep up on my blog this time around. So here I am, at two in the morning, writing.

My Dad just left about an hour ago. We had a wonderful night. I had made a huge dinner- chicken enchiladas, Spanish rice, and my special refried beans- and I'd made a little too much. So I told my Dad that he could come over and get some when he was done with his Rotary meeting. It turned out to be an all night event.
When he got here I still had my iPod going from making dinner. I was on a country kick tonight and have been telling my Dad for ages that I was going to introduce him to some good country. So after I made him a plate, we sat at the table listening to various country songs. Somehow after almost an hour of country, we switched to Michael Jackson; one of Dad's favorites. This resulted in our old past time of dancing in the kitchen...back in the days when we were still a whole family.

Divorce is a terrible thing. I sort of always knew that my parents would end up apart, but at the same time, I never really thought it would happen. I know that doesn't make much sense. I suppose that even though they fought all the time while we were growing up, I always secretly believed that they would be able to make it work. In so many ways they were such a good couple. They just got lost somewhere along the way of marriage, sucked into a terrible pattern of screaming and yelling at each other; often over stupid, insignificant things.
The first time they separated, I was in the seventh grade. I vaguely remember that time in my life. I suppose I've blocked most of it out. Not that anything particularly horrible happened, it was just so hard for me to have my Dad leave the house. I didn't recognize it at the time, but it greatly affected me. My grades plummeted and I just remember being really sad. I was so happy when they got back together.
Unfortunately, patterns always tend to repeat themselves and eventually their marriage was just as bad as before the separation. They stayed together until November of my senior year of high school. They were separated for almost a year before the divorce was final...on my Dad's birthday. My Dad tried so hard to fix things and get my mother back, but by the time they separated, it was too late.
My Dad still tries.

Tonight was bittersweet.
For a few sweet hours, it seemed almost as if history had been erased. Everyone was at home just like the good ol' days and everyone was getting along. Dad and I danced disco in the kitchen, one of our old traditions, and it was nothing short of wonderful. Spinning around and around in his arms, watching the cabinets whirl past me in a blur of happy memories. We danced and sang and laughed and danced some more. When we tired of dancing, we all moved into the Living room and had one of our "family talent nights" just like we used to.
Margarita was over for dinner as well, and my mom wanted to show off all of our talents so the kids all played the piano, I sang, Jessica sang a little bit, and Alex and David did a spur of the moment hilarious duet from Seussical the Musical. Then the kids talked Dad into disco dancing again and he took both Jessie and I into his arms and spun us all around the living room. Mom even got up and danced when we were done. It was wonderful and so, so painful at the same time.
I was surprised to find myself filled with a hope I thought I had gotten over already. I suppose that even though I know my parents are better off without each other, it's still hard not to desperately want them to somehow make things work. I guess that's just part of how divorce works. My parents are both incredible people, they just don't work together very well when they're married.
I wish, so fiercely, that it could be different. I think they both do too. It's sad, having such an incredible family torn apart.
Watching my Dad tonight was hard. Seeing the pain amidst the joy in his eyes at being with his family, but knowing that at some point, he would have to return to his apartment. I imagine it would be something like a little kid at Christmas getting everything he ever wanted, and having to walk away from it all.
It's so hard. Almost too hard to write about. Even though I'm a pretty strong person, I've still been greatly affected by the whole situation. I try to be tough and act like everything's OK. I know I NEED to be tough, not for myself but for my family.

I am so grateful for the magical time we shared tonight. I love my family so much. And I kept it together remarkably well all evening, but now that I'm off to bed; I think it's going to be the first night in a long time, that I will have to fight valiantly not to cry myself to sleep.

Midnight Hell

2009-07-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

I went to the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter movie last night. Or I should say this morning. NEVER AGAIN will I go to a midnight showing of anything.
I say that with a tinge of sadness...it's tradition in our house to go to every midnight book party and movie premier for the Harry Potter series. But last night was enough to break tradition.

I hadn't been super eager to go in the first place, but my little brother wanted me to go with him SO BADLY that I couldn't tell him no. So I got started rereading the book early yesterday morning, intent on finishing it before the movie started. Unfortunately I didn't have the entire day to devote to reading so I was about two-hundred pages short when my dad picked me up for the movie. We got there all early so my brother could see the activities that they had going on, which consisted of a bunch of people selling stupid shit. Don't get me wrong, I love Harry Potter, obviously, and I have a collection from when I first started getting into the books; but this stuff was really, shit. So, not only did we get there early for nothing, but we were completely surrounded by idiots. Now, I sort of understand the whole dressing up deal; I mean I did it the first time there was a midnight showing, but COME ON. I was also only like twelve. Last night I was wearing a black tank top and jeans and only because my kid brother talked me into it (he was SO excited that he was letting me borrow it, that I couldn't refuse) I also had on a Gryffindor scarf.
There were people older than me dressed to the nines trying to look like wizards, and not even doing a good job of it. On top of their terrible dress was their almost unbearable behavior. People screaming all over the place and jumping up on each other and bulldozing people over so they can get to the wand booth! It was ridiculous. And then we were in our theater. You'd think that even though these people were acting like complete idiots, they would at least show a bit of courtesy once they were seated. No such luck. They were so loud, talking about their costumes, and what the movie was going to be like, and one large group even started singing Happy Birthday to someone right as the previews started showing. I don't know about you, but I happen to like watching the previews. I don't like people singing and talking at the top of their voices while I'm trying to watch Robert Downing Jr. on screen as a sexy Sherlock Holmes. (A movie that I'll have to see by the way) They were just rude. And when finally, the movie started, the whole theater erupted into applause and shouting and cat-calling. This, I think, aggrivated me the most out of anything. I wanted desperately to scream, YOU DON'T HAVE TO CLAP IN A MOVIE YOU IMPOSSIBLE GITS! THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU! IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, IT'S JUST A SCREEN!
Is that insensitive of me? I know how exciting it can be when your FAVORITE movie comes out, but honestly, common sense people. And courtesy. By the time the movie was over I was severly annoyed. What with our theater, and the fact that the movie was nowhere close to as good as the book, and it was three o' clock in the morning and Brent was waiting for me in my bed.
I did have fun sharing the night with my little brother, and he was so happy that I had come with him. But I don't think I can do it again. Next time around, I'll spend my night dressing up for Brent.

Shoes

2009-07-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

Another reason to add to the list of why I love Brent. He always reminds me of the little important things in life...

Me: "Hunting is expensive, I've decided."

Brent: "Haha...how so?"

M: "Well you have to buy your tag and all the equipment, and then you're always going to want better equipment, and all that stuff's ridiculously expensive."

B: "Yeah, well, you always want new shoes."

M: "But my shoes aren't hundreds of dollars."

B: "Well, I don't buy hunting stuff as often as you buy shoes."

I sat there for a moment in severe concentration and finally blurted out my horrifying realization.

M: "I can't even remember the last time I bought a pair of shoes....actually, yeah I can it was last OCTOBER for that festival thing I sang at. And I'm pretty sure I didn't get any for Christmas."

B: "Wait, I bought you those boots not that long ago..."

M: "Damn! I forgot. But still, I haven't bought any shoes in almost a year. And besides, you got me those boots in like January or February. I need to get a new pair of shoes!"

Family Reunion

2009-07-14T09:01:00.001-07:00

I had every intention of posting twice yesterday to make up for missing Sunday, but after coming back from Brent's family reunion up the canyon so early in the morning; I was exhausted. So we slept a good portion of the day.

The Family Reunion was fun. Turns out I really get along great with a few of his cousins, and his Uncle Lance is a riot.
Brent neglected to tell me that there would be a lake, or maybe I neglected to hear him (he swears he told me) but either way, I hadn't brought a swimming suit. In fact, I'd only brought myself, my purse and my book. So when the whole family was going down to the lake, I couldn't resist. It was blazing outside and the water looked so cool and inviting, so I tied my shirt up in a makeshift bikini top and jumped in.
It wasn't until after my only clothes were waterlogged that Brent decided it would be fun to stay the night.
Luckily people had brought extra clothes, so I ran around the rest of the night wearing his thirteen year old niece's shorts and his eleven year old niece's tank. I wasn't wearing a bra to begin with. The latter didn't mind me at all. I hate bras. But my body reacts to Brent even when I'm not aware of it. I was just sitting there thinking how handsome he is when he got a smirk on his face.

Brent: "Are you cold?"

Me: "No, I'm hot actually."

Brent: "Could have fooled me." As soon as his eyes made full contact with my chest, it got even worse.

Me: "It's like they had to say 'hello' because you looked at them. They like you."

He and his brother thought that was pretty funny. So I'm sitting there with my hands on my chest, trying not to feel too uncomfortable, but it only made it worse. I finally ended up having to go sun myself to cool off. Makes loads of sense I know.

As evening set in I had the dark for cover and we spent the rest of the night having a blast. With his family and without. Talking around the campfire, sitting out under the stars, having a little too much fun, that's a night I'll definitely never forget.

Sexy Time

2009-07-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Self,
You look exceptionally sexy today. I know because I received confirmation of this fact from several people throughout the day. Good job with the haircut, it definitely works.
Now, remember not to become completely enamored with yourself, but I just wanted to give you a quick reminder that you can look back to on those occasions where you feel less than par.
You are a sex goddess! And don't ever forget it!

Love Always,
Me

Girl Time

2009-07-10T22:43:00.001-07:00

It's funny how once I get started blogging again I get on a sort of kick. It's almost like a blogging high. All day I've been looking forward to coming home and writing. I had so much fun. It's been a long time since I've spent the entire day with a really good friend; just hanging out and going places and having a blast.
Today I spent with my good friend Gabby. She picked me up at 11:30 to go to my hair appointment with me and it turned into an all day event. I cut my hair even shorter and it looks super sexy so that in itself gave me a major confidence boost. Which, until it happened, I hadn't known I'd been needing it so much. It's amazing what feeling a little extra sexy can do for you.

So, after the hair cut, we had lunch and then proceeded to just hang out and have much needed girl time. We went to the pet store and I fell in love with a puppy, up the canyon and hunted lizards (she even caught one and I pet it's little reptilian head like a giddy little kid) and then we hiked up to a waterfall and took pictures.
It was so much fun. And I feel rejuvenated. I'm so grateful to have wonderful friends and for the ability to just let worries go for one day and get lost in innocent fun. And I can't wait to do it again.

Irresponsible

2009-07-09T12:54:00.000-07:00

I'd like to say that I live in a swanky high rise apartment in San Francisco or Manhattan with a closet to rival Carrie's in Sex and the City, a super sexy little sports car, and a kick ass job writing for a high end magazine.
Hell, I'd even settle for a not as swanky apartment here in Utah with a regular walk in closet, any car and an internship writing for a not too important magazine.
At least that would be a start. But the reality is, I'm twenty one years old, living with my mom in a sun-room-re-built-to-be-Candace's-with-zero-insulation-making-it-freezing-cold-in-the-winter-and-sweltering-hot-at-this-time-of-year-room. With NO CLOSET. No car. And no job.
I had the sexy sports car, but totaled it last October and still haven't been able to replace it. Due to my lack of a job, which coincidentally reverts back to not having a car. How am I supposed to get to and from work without transportation? Let alone find a job in today's economy. So I'm stuck in this vicious cycle. The epitome of struggling student. Though school doesn't start again for another month and a half.

So I'm sitting at home debating whether to tackle the mound of clothing in my room that needs to be hung in my little brother's closet upstairs, or start painting. I'm leaning heavily towards painting. It's been a few years since I've pulled my paints out and I've been itching to dust them off and get to work.
I think my artistic side is going to win today's battle over responsibility. After all, I AM still living with my mother. A fact that a lot of people would consider a lack of responsibility on my part. So I might as well live up to it and spend the rest of the day irresponsibly creating a masterpiece.
I'll get my clothes under control tomorrow.

Oops, I did it again...

2009-07-08T14:11:00.000-07:00

I feel like most of my posts consist of apologies at not having written in so long and empty promises to never let my blog go again.

Sadly, and obviously, I never manage to keep up on my blogging. I get busy or not busy enough to feel like I have anything worth writing about, or I'm having too much fun with Brent. When we do something worth documenting, the LAST thing I want to do is ruin the moment by turning the computer on. Or I forget by the time I get to a computer.

So here I am, once again, feeling slightly inadequate for not updating my life on this blog.
I honestly am sorry, but I'm not going to promise that I'll write every day. That's totally unrealistic for me right now. All I can say is I will try very hard to blog more often. I think I need to just for my sanity.

So this is another one of my pathetic attempts at starting over. I hope it's good enough for you.

Daddy Daughter Time

2009-01-19T21:05:00.000-08:00

Today was a bit sad.
I had to leave my baby so early. He can't drive...it's his right ankle that's hurt. So Floyd and Kathy brought me home around 2:30pm. I hated leaving Brent. He's in a lot of pain and I wish I could stay there with him. But I've got school tomorrow so I really had no choice.
I've been reading pretty much since I got home. Except when I went to Dad's for dinner.
I am so happy that we're getting along better. I love him so much. He really is such an incredible man. I still feel terrible for everything that happened when he and mom were getting their divorce.
Mom and I have always been great friends. So it was easier to just not talk to him about anything. So my relationship with Dad...well, it became very bad. We fought all the time...I was rude and immature. Just rnning from the problems rather than sitting down and talking about them like I should have. I should have been there for both of my parents, not just one.
I remember at one point, becoming so angry with him over the phone, I screamed at him telling him never to call me again. That I never, ever wanted to speak to him again.
I still feel so terrible for saying those words. I can't imagine how that hurt him.
But we have forgiven each other and he knows how much I love him. And we now have a much stronger relationship. All that crap brought us closer together.
And I am so grateful that it did.

So, today wasn't too sad...I got to spend time with my wonderful father.
I need to do more of that. Because we really do get along so well. And I know how much it means to him to be able to spend time with his children.
He treasures it. And so do I.

Happy

2009-01-18T16:55:00.000-08:00

With all the drama of Brent's foot last night, I completely forgot about something he told me on the way to the party.
We went to lunch with his family- or at least some of his family- yesterday afternoon. Apparently, his dad said to his mom,
"So, Brent wants to take everyone out to lunch...do you think he's got an announcement to make?"
His mom sought him out and repeated what Floyd had said. Brent said,
"No...does he want me to make an announcement?"
And she said,
"Yes. He does. We all do."

I was so excited when he told me that...
I've officially passed the parent test.
His family loves me. And I love them.
I have really never been happier. And I couldn't ask for more.
I can't wait for the day we can make said announcement.
My family loves him too. Even dad has given his approval. Which is monumental. And even though, in his eyes, no one will ever be good enough for his baby girl, he thinks Brent is a great guy and is just glad that I'm finally truly happy.

Sexy Little Gimp

2009-01-17T23:19:00.000-08:00

Today started off wonderfully...hot n' steamy-we-could-get-caught-at-any-moment sex with Brent, followed by french toast and eggs. Even when Brent was called into work, I had a blast at home playing board games with his mother and sisters. And when he got home, we all went out for sushi...so yummy!

It was at Gavin & Gadge's birthday party that things turned sour....
The party was held at Jump On It in Lindon. A warehouse filled with trampolines, some angled on the walls and some with basketball hoops. Brent kept putting off getting on the trampolines and when he was finally talked into jumping, five minutes later he was rolling around on the tramp in agony as his right ankle wasted no time in swelling to the size of a baseball. We rushed to the E.R. to get it checked out, and though it's not broken, he was sent home on crutches and a foot brace. The big ugly boot. I feel so sorry for him. I know how painful that is and how ridiculously difficult and bothersome it is to get around on crutches. And how OLD it gets being a gimp.

So, seeing as I do now have a gimp of a boyfriend, I'm going to cut this entry short to go take care of him.
Goodnight!

Friday

2009-01-16T23:30:00.000-08:00

Thank God it's Friday!
Not seeing Brent for the better part of three days and two full nights, made me crazy! I hate being away from him. We get along so well and have such a balanced relationship, that when we spend long periods of time apart (and yes three days IS a long period of time) we both obsess about how awful it is that the other isn't there and pine for the moment we'll be together again. I really can;t wait until we live together. Then, even if we don;t see each other all day, we'll at least know that come nightfall, we'll be lying in bed together. As we are right now. Brent is watching his T.V. shows and I'm doing my homework. It's a wonderful evening.
Brent's sisters Kaci and Terri are over too and it has been so good to see them again. Particularly Kaci and the boys. They live in Vernal so we don't get to see them much. But even so, Kaci and I have become good friends. We're very much alike- sharing the same fanatical love for Heath Ledger- among other things.
Terri and I get along great as well and even though we see her much more often, it is still so nice to be spending time with both of them.
I'm really starting to feel like part of the family. :) Brent had to work from home some tonight and while I was keeping him company, Kaci and Terri kept badgering me to come and hang out with them. I love it that we're all such good friends. God I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful second family. :)

But I've bantered on enough for tonight- I'm going to watch American Pie with my baby.
Nite!

Day Off

2009-01-16T02:18:00.000-08:00

Today was a rather lazy day, but it was much appreciated. I have exhausted myself over the past week. Going to bed at 2, 3 & 4AM and then getting up at 6 to be ready in time for school. On the nights Brent is not here, I keep myself busy reading. And consequentially, I end up not being able to tear myself away from whatever book I'm reading, and staying up until the early hours of the morning. My situation isn't much improved when he's here either. Though I sleep much better with him beside me through the night, we always end up talking and making love and then talking some more until happily, blissfully exhausted, we finally drift off to sleep in each other's arms.

Last night was a book night, but as I don't have school on Thursdays, I slept in until ten. It was wonderful.With the house to myself, I finished my book, cleaned the kitchen, started a new book (Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban- I'm re-reading the series) and painted. And though I did get rather bored towards the evening, it was good to relax and rest after my busy week.
I also watched Mamma Mia for the first time and absolutely LOVED it! The music is still playing in my head and I'm trying to decide how to persuade Brent into moving to Greece. :) Somehow, I don't think he'll be all that keen on the idea...but it's worth a try right?

So that's about it for today, I'm exhausted again...well after all, it's after two...Got to get up in less than four hours!
Until tomorrow...
Goodnight

Writing Check

2009-01-14T11:06:00.000-08:00

All my goals for writing in a journal daily, have just been turned into quite a serious contract. My Writing class grade depends on my thoughts put to paper...and in this case, my thoughts put to Internet.
Although I know, from multiple prior experiences, that keeping up on a journal will be quite a challenge for me, I am grateful for Carolee Stout, my writing professor, for making this a mandatory daily duty. I've let far too many days go by, far too many wonderful life experiences go undocumented. It's high time I put my sexy little butt in gear and stick to my goal of recording my life every day. Not only for myself- though I treasure looking back on what I've written in the past, but for generations to come. For my future children and grandchildren. And for anyone else that comes upon these writings.
I want to have an impact on peoples lives. However small or large that impact may be. If I am able to bring laughter, or provoke thought or inspire in any way, even to just one person, then I will have succeeded.
I have been touched by countless writings and my goal, one of my greatest wishes, is to do the same for someone else.

So on this day, January 14th, 2009 I pledge to work valiantly towards this goal. To keep account of my wonderful life. Day by day building my legacy.

Mother Moon

2008-12-12T23:24:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, on my way home from school I noticed the moon in broad daylight, and how big it looked. So when I read online today that the full moon tonight was going to be the biggest the earth has seen since 1993, I was pretty excited. I love the moon. Ever since I was a kid I've loved the moon. It was my first word, and for a good portion of my early years, I honestly thought the moon followed me. My mom still tells the stories of me sitting in the backseat while we were driving at night and hearing my little voice saying, "Mommy, look. The moon's following me!"
So me and the moon, we go way back.

Tonight was made even more special because I attended a full moon ceremony of sorts. My first experience with this was last month, and I can tell it's going to be something we do every night of a full moon.
We go to this Native American medicine woman's house and sit outside around a fire. In the house are laid out all sorts of Native American herbs and bird feathers and a special "sacred" paper that we write things we want to let go of and things we want to bring into our lives. Then we pick herbs by their scent and go outside and offer it to the fire. It's crazy too because if someone writes something down that they're not ready to release or receive, it simply doesn't burn.
Mine burned almost as soon as they hit the flames and sent a bright blaze shooting straight towards the beautiful moon.
It's all very relaxing and a great way to really think about what I want and how I'm going to go about accomplishing it. It's very spiritual too. Last month I was sort of named "Pure Heart" and I dunno, it made a big impression on me.
Tonight, I told her about my nightmares...the nightmares I've suffered from almost every single night for the past four months, and she put together some herbs for me to put under my pillow to bring good dreams. So with this big bright, beautiful full moon in the sky, I'm going to test them out.
Wish me luck! I'm off to dreamland.

My Other Half

2008-12-03T22:31:00.000-08:00

As blogging goes, I always end up writing about my boyfriends. Those of you who have read my older posts already know this. So it will come as no surprise that this is yet another post about the incredible man in my life.

Today is our 3 month anniversary. I know, I know, no big deal in most people's eyes but I still celebrate every moment that we're together. In some ways I can't believe it's already been three months since we made everything "official". But in others, it seems like so much longer. That's probably due to the fact that we've been best friends for a little over two years now and we dated a little last year. And even through Darren coming home and my initial excitement and immense love for him at the time, I don't think a single day went by that I didn't think of Brent. Even when I wasn't allowed to talk to him. We connected on a much deeper level than I've ever connected with anyone, in those early months of our budding friendship. And that connection never faded. In fact, it grows stronger every day.

He is my confidant, my savior, my lover, my best friend. My other half.
I have never in my life felt more complete. We have such an incredible equally balanced relationship. We make each other happy. He sees me at my best and my worst and loves me through it all. And I him. It still blows my mind that we wound up together and so happily in love. I couldn't ask for more. I truly love everything about him. I love his family, and his friends. I love his body, his beautiful face and hands. I love his kind eyes and brilliant smile. I love his sense of humor. I love all the little things that go unnoticed by everyone else. The way he flicks his wrist as he packs his only addiction when he first gets in the car. The way he checks his watch. The way he holds things. The way he holds me. I love the way he plays with kids...he's going to be an amazing father one day. And I love the way he treats family. He is one of the kindest, selfless people I've ever known. His love is radiant.
I thank God every day for being blessed with such a wonderful man. Not everyone is so lucky.
I am finally happy. So many people have waited to see me like this. They've watched as I've worked and struggled to keep bad relationships alive. It's so hard for me to let go. But I am so happy I finally did and came to my senses. This is what I've been waiting for. This is it. All the pain and conflict and seemingly never ending battles, was worth it. And I'd do it all again. I don't regret any of it. I'm not even sad about it anymore. The past is past, and made me who I am today. And my reward is so much greater than I ever dared to imagine.

So, on this day, December 3rd, 2008; I'd just like to say thank you baby. For everything. I love you.
Love,
Me*

Newest Addition

2008-11-26T13:18:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to write about the newest addition to my life.

We brought Bailey home on the 21st. She is the most adorable little boxer puppy in the whole world. Brent and I have been thinking of getting a house together, and then we decided that we'd need a puppy to go with that house. But we wanted to get one and have her all trained before we started really looking for a place.
So we started looking for litters of Boxers.
Brent actually found her and we waited two weeks before we could go pick her up. But she was well worth the wait. It was something like love at first second, when I saw her. She's about the size of a football at only six weeks, and she's already adjusting very well for such a young pup.
She keeps her daddy up all night long just like a brand new baby. I sleep right through everything :) Brent seems to think this a little unfair, but I reminded him that one day, a very long time from now, when we have kids; I'll be the one staying up all night...he won't be able to whip out a nipple and let them nurse. So it's only fair that he has to get up with the puppy every two hours so she can go out, and then try to lull her back to sleep when she wants to play for an hour :) Plus, I just don't do cold. And three in the morning in November in Utah, is COLD. And I sleep in a lot less than pajamas, so it would be far too difficult to get dressed at that hour.

It's a good thing he loves me so much :)
But really, Bailey is wonderful...and she's turned us into an adorable little family.

Little Bro

2008-11-25T01:05:00.000-08:00

Had to write real quick about my hilariously adorable little brother.

I was getting settled in bed with Brent just a few minutes ago when I remembered that I needed to check the upstairs bathroom for an extra contact case. (I'm not very good at this whole remembering to put them in when I get up, and take them back out, before I pass out, thing) So, in my boy shorts and cami, I raced upstairs to see if we had an extra case.

When I got there, I didn't find a case, but I did find this note taped to the mirror:

In case you can't decipher his horrible handwriting in pink highlighter, it reads:

"Alex, wake me
Jonah up right
now throw some
water on my face
if you have to but
wake me up!!!!"

I giggled and ran back downstairs to grab my phone to capture the hilarity of the moment and post it here. Brent looked at me like I was nutty when I told him, as I was running back out of my room, that I had to go take a picture of the note Jonah left on the mirror for Alex to wake him up in the morning.

I love that kid.

Dear Self

2008-11-07T11:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Self,

Once again, I have gotten way too far behind in my blogging. I have been a loser and let you down. Again. But in my defense, I've been a busy loser. Mixing work and school part time with a boyfriend double time, doesn't leave much time for anything else. (Especially when you do all 3 in one day and squeeze in a kick ass football game. GO UTES!) But I do apologize and promise to try and go back and get fully caught up and keep blogging from here on out. I know that sounds like another lame empty promise, but hey, at least I have good intentions Right? Alright, apology in place, I'm going to let you go for now dearest Self.
I'm going to get us Starbucks. We need coffee.

Love,
Me

2008-10-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

Had a great day today and I'm exhausted. I didn't eat the best today because I went out with Brent. We took Big Cottonwood Canyon all the way around to Park City and ate at Cisero's. I broke down and had pasta. But I did have a salad with it and I still haven't touched soda in what seems like ages now.

2008-10-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

Party was a blast last night...and I'm paying dearly for it. My body is killing me. I did great at the party with what I ate though and I've done very well today. Eating apples like they're goin out of style haha...

2008-10-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

Kept up on my goal today and I intend to do so tonight at Amber's Halloween party. I can't believe I'm finally out and about. I'm still super sore, but Halloween is my favorite so I can't miss it :)

2008-10-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

Work today was really tough. I'm even more sore than I was the day of the accident, but it was good to be back. I even ate a salad when I was craving pasta. Did very well with my goal today.

2008-10-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

Brent's got a bad migrane so I won't be seeing him until Friday most likely. I told him to stay home and get rest. In the meantime, I'm sticking to my goal, and I'm doing much better. My first day back at work will be tomorrow! Can't wait!

2008-10-21T21:07:00.000-07:00

Brent's here! :) ASo I'm spending time with him, but I stuck to my goal today very well. Seems to be getting easier, and I'm craving apples like there's no tomorrow. Weird.

2008-10-20T20:14:00.000-07:00

Mom's flight was so delayed that I didn't make it to school toady. But I did eat very well again. I'm a little bummed that I had Brent take me home...I could still be with him right now if he hadn't. I'll have to wait till tomorrow now.

2008-10-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

Brent just brought me back home so I can try to go to school tomorrow...hopefully my mom's flight gets here soon! Otherwise I'll be stranded alone at home. But I had another good day with my goal today :) I'll write more tomorrow.

2008-10-18T21:24:00.000-07:00

Saturday night and I'm sitting in Brent's bed as per usual. What an eventful weekend right? But at least I'm with him and that's all that really matters. Another good day with my goal and I'm sure the rest of the week will prove the same :)

2008-10-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

Ate great again today :) That's a big deal too, cause I'm getting even more bored every minute and you know how it is when you get bored...you eat crap. But I'm sticking to it :)

2008-10-16T22:56:00.000-07:00

Totally in the swing of being healthy. It's probably because Brent has been taking care of me and helps me to stay on track :) Another reason why I love him so much.

2008-10-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

Ate very well again today. Another big salad for lunch and I was craving carrots so I had quite a few of those as well. Big step up from chips :)

2008-10-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

Another successful day with my eating goal. Can't wait till I'm feeling better to really get caught up on this blog :)

2008-10-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

Still eating well. I can finally sit up all by myself without too much effort! an't wait till I can be up running around again. I'm getting really bored with this.

2008-10-12T23:49:00.000-07:00

Trying to watch a movie with Brent, but he's putting laundry in. Still in loads of pain but doing better. I'm sticking with my eating habits very well. Had a great salad today for lunch.

2008-10-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

Kept my diet today. Still mostly sleeping. Off to do more of that. I'll try and write tomorrow.

2008-10-10T19:44:00.000-07:00

This week has been a blur of sleeping, taking pills, and Brent. I have done well with my eating every day. I don't eat much though. Mostly I just sleep. I went to school on Wednesday and that was torture. I could barely walk. I still can't sit up by myself. I'll try and post more tomorrow.

2008-10-05T20:40:00.000-07:00

Slept most of the day yesterday and today. Still feel like I've been run over by a train, but I'm happy to be alive. Ate well both days except for the candy my friends brought me.

2008-10-03T17:38:00.000-07:00

Slept most of the day. Didn't eat much. Only enough to take my medicine.

2008-10-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

Ate very well today. Hurts to type, my posts will be very short for a while.

Look Death in the Face

2008-10-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

Today I almost died on the freeway. I was driving up to school from Brent's house and was in a horrific car accident. My goals have been changed. I won't be able to continue excersizing. I can still eat healthy, but I'm laid up in bed. I'm not even typing this right now. Brent is an angel and is doing it for me. I'll post more details and some pictures when I'm doing better. For now, I'm going to rest.

2008-09-30T20:32:00.000-07:00

Another successful day. Even got my excersize in! My brother needs the computer for homework, so I'll post more tomorrow.

2008-09-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

So, my whole plan to get caught up in Vernal didn't quite go as planned. I was having way too much fun and relaxing to worry about much. I got my homework done on Friday before we left. The worry free weekend was just what I needed.
Friday, I woke up and had a good healthy breakfast and then after doing my homework, and saying goodbye to my family, I headed down to Orem to meet up with Brent. I did very well the rest of that day and even got some non conventional excersize in, wrestling for about an hour with Brent.
Saturday went about the same and I only broke those good eating habits when we went to this little diner and I got an Oreo shake. But I am proud of myself for haveing a salad instead of the burgers that looked oh so delicious. And I got a good workout in, practicing belly dancing with Kaci.
Yesterday, I was right on track all day long until we went to Wingers but I got lost of excersize running around the backyard with the kids and swordfighting Brent.
By the end of the day yesterday, we didn't want to leave. We said goodbye and headed home right after dinner. And about halfway back, we both started to feel sick. We were up most of the night with food poisining, so I ended up staying in Orem today. No way was I going to drive all the way back for school this morning, when I still felt like shit. I've managed to keep a little bit down today, and all of it has been pretty healthy.
I'm sure I'll do even better tomorrow.

2008-09-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

I didn't get my excersizing in today, but other than that, I did a good job. My healthy eating habits are becomming easier and I'm really proud of myself for sticking to it.

2008-09-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

Met my goals today. Still super busy, I think I'll use this weekend in Vernal with Brent's family, to update in more detail the success I'm having. So for now, it's another short post. Can't wait for tomorrow!

2008-09-23T23:12:00.000-07:00

Another good day for me as far as goals go. I'm really proud of myself! But it's late and I have to get up early so I'll post tomorrow.

2008-09-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

Great day for my goals! Even got my excersizing in! That's huge for me. Don't have lot's of time on the net right now, so I'll give a better update tomorrow.

2008-09-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

Super busy lately, only have time to post that I didn't do so well today with my diet. When my mom orders Pizza Hut, it always gets me. Haha...I'll do better tomorrow for sure.

Busy Days

2008-09-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's already Saturday. I have been so busy with work and Brent, and this whole no Internet thing is really driving me crazy.
Yesterday was a really long day. Brent left for work in the morning and I went to school exhausted. I don't know what is wrong with me lately, but I'm having a hard time sleeping at night so I'm super tired during the day. I'm becoming kind of frustrated with myself. Still no work out. It's so difficult for me to try and fit it in. I was planning on going to the Hyper after class today. I even went down and got my Student ID so I'd be able to use the facilities, but it was so cold and rainy and I was so tired that my mom and I both skipped our Math class and just went home and took a nap. After our nap we had about a million errands to run and before I knew it, I was racing as fast as I could to make it to work on time at 4.
When I left, at almost 9:30 the plan was to head straight to Provo to hang out with Brent's family, but when I pulled up to my house to change, WWIII was waging in my driveway. My parents divorce has been final for a little over a year now and they still fight. After trying to diffuse the situation, my dad got in his car and took off with my brother. I went inside to try and calm my mom down and got stuck talking about everything a kid in the middle of their parents divorce doesn't want to talk about. Needless to say, I didn't arrive in Provo until around eleven thirty.

We had a lot of fun. I sat and watched Ghost Hunters with Brent's sisters and got the shit scared out of me by Brent. My heart damn near stopped beating. But it was fun.
This morning we woke up and lazed around until about now, and I'm hurrying to at least get record down of what we've been doing before I head to work. So there you have it. I'll be writing again tonight after I take the long drive back down here to hang out with Kasi and Tyler. Plus, Brent wants to drive up the canyon tomorrow to see the leaves. I can't wait!!

Another Wonderful Day

2008-09-19T12:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was another successful day with my portfolio assignment. I ate very well and though I didn't get a conventional workout, I got a much more pleasurable work out in the sheets. Yes, another day spent with Brent.

It was my day off, so while has was at work, I made plans with Leigh for dinner at TRIO. It's crazy, when I'm not working, I go in for dinner all the time.
So we met up at my house around 8 and Leigh, Robert, Brent and I all set out to TRIO. We had a lovely dinner and it was wonderful to see Leigh again. It's been way too long. And that adorable nephew of mine is getting so big! I can't believe he's almost 10 months old. Seems like just a few weeks ago that Leigh was at my house all cute and pregnant, eagerly awaiting the arrival of her firstborn son. Crazy how time flies.
Time seems to be going especially fast these days. I think it's got something to do with the fact that I'm so happy. My days are a blur of Brent, and driving to see him and waiting for him as he drives to see me, and kisses. Lots of kisses and laughs and countless mornings waking up in his arms. It's been wonderful. And though he only left here a few hours ago, I already miss him. But the hours spent apart are good because I know my feelings are reciprocated. Plus, if we were never apart at all, I couldn't get cute text from him randomly throughout the day.

So life is good. And I'm sticking to my goals. Blogging again feels like such a great accomplishment. I can't wait to find out what I'll be writing about tomorrow.

U2 and Ruby River

2008-09-18T00:02:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, Brent text me and asked if I'd be feeling up to going out later. I immediately said yes because I love love love spending time with him, so he told me he'd look into a couple things and get back to me. We ended up going to the Gateway. He took me to see the U2 laser show at Clark Planetarium. It was SO COOL!
I love U2 and seeing the songs portrayed through trippy computer graphics in the dome theater was awesome. The whole being there with my Mountain Man, made everything that much more perfect.

I did great with my eating habits today too. I ate healthy all day and when we left the Planetarium, he took me to Ruby River, and I had steak. It was so good. By the way, if you've never been to Ruby River, you have to go. It is seriously the best steak I've ever had in my life. They have yummy sides too. I got a Caesar Salad and a yam. The Yam probably isn't the healthiest thing in the world, but it's definitely better than a baked potato or fries so I figure, I did OK.

So we had a wonderful night. Ruby River holds a special place in my heart now too. A few weeks ago, he took me there for the first time. He had always raved about it and I'd promised not to go unless it was with him. Let me tell you it was worth the wait. Along with the incredible food, we had a particularly romantic evening. They played numerous country love songs, and when we were leaving, "I Can't Stop Loving You" came on. We walked outside, and it was playing over the speakers as we walked hand in hand to the car. Brent suddenly stopped and started digging change out of his pocket. There is a big fountain right outside and he turned to me, handed me a penny, and said, "make a wish!" So, pennies in hand, he grabbed me and kissed me right in front of that fountain under the moon. And while we kissed we made our wishes and flung our pennies into the water. It was so romantic. And a wonderful first experience.

So now, any time we go to Ruby River, I think about that night. How much fun we had, the sexual tension on the ride home, and the relief of it all, into the early hours of the morning.

My Newest Challenge

2008-09-17T23:25:00.000-07:00

So of course, right when I get back into blogging again, we lose Internet connection. I finally decided to just write all of my posts as Word documents and will put them up as soon as I get the chance. The main reason behind this, is because I have been given a portfolio assignment in my Strategies for College Success class. (Yes I did finally make it to college ) The assignment was to pick a behavioral pattern we wanted to change, write out a contract to ourselves with the stipulations and keep a daily/weekly record of our progress. I've been wanting to really get started keeping up with my blog again, so I will be using this blog to track the assignment.
Having wanted to get my butt in gear for some time now and start exercising, I chose to focus on starting a workout routine at least 3 times a week and create healthier eating habits. Starting with waking up earlier to get a good breakfast in and preparing healthy snacks for myself. This, has proven already to be quite difficult for me. I got sick last week so I was late on starting my new routine. Lots of sleep and no working out was how I got better. So, I’m really starting now. Almost a week too late. But, at least I’m doing it.

So, hopefully I can stick to it. I'm pretty proud of myself. Today I got up early, 7AM, when Brent left to go to work, and though I didn't make it to school due to the fact that I had a raging headache and was coughing my lungs up, I didn't go back to bed. I made oatmeal for breakfast and had a salad for lunch which was pretty impressive for me especially considering I was outrageously craving Dairy Queen fries and ice cream. I didn't fit a workout in because I was feeling too sick, but I ate very well and I've felt better and more energized than I have in a while.

My goal for tomorrow is to have another healthy breakfast so I have enough energy for work. Restaurant work is quite a bit more taxing on the body than sitting in front of a computer at the office all day. And though it's hard work, I'm loving it. Loving the change in atmosphere and the fact that I'm a lot more active now. So, I figure, if I miss some days of working out, I'll be fine as long as I work that day. TRIO is huge and I run all over that restaurant. It's a pretty good workout considering I've never even done any walking or anything. When I started, I was sure I'd get fat working there, the food is SO good. But it's all made from scratch and is relatively healthy. That coupled with my six hour shift of standing and running around should have a pretty positive effect on my body and help me maintain this change.

This is Me. Now.

2008-09-15T13:57:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I was going through one of my journals and found something I wrote back in June, shortly after my date with myself in Park City.
When I read it, I giggled and realized that after writing this, I really started to try and find myself again. I've done a pretty good job of it too. I'm in school, have a new job that I mostly love, and I've got a man in my life that inspires me to do more. To pursue my dreams and shows interest in what I want in life. The following is what I wrote almost 3 months ago. The beginning of finding myself. So here goes.

Do you ever sit and ask yourself, "who am I?". I do. And my mind becomes overwhelmed with societal expectations and accusations and misinterpretations and before I know it, I've become lost in the jumbled mess of my mind. And on these occasions I force myself to stop. And think.
Think about who I really am.
Right now, I am a five foot seven and three quarters of an inch tall, twenty year old brunette gone jet black. With eyes the brown-black color of the richest dark chocolate you can find.
I have golden-mocha skin that craves the sun and thankfully doesn't freckle. Well, on second thought, I do have 3 freckles on the bottom right corner of my lower lip...you have to look real hard to see.
I have a big smile full of mostly straight white teeth, framed by soft full lips the color of faded cranberries.
The only plastic surgery I've ever wanted is Otoplasty because my ears stick out a little more than they should. But recent shrinkage of my body has resulted in unwanted breast reduction. So now I wouldn't mind some enhancement. But if I never had anything done cosmetically speaking, I'd be O.K.

Coffee runs through my veins and is my addiction of choice. A good strong Americano is the angel of my morning. Extra shot iced, with hazelnut syrup- no cream.
I prefer daisies over roses and I love butterflies. So much that I have one tattooed to my right hip. That is currently the only ink on my body- Although I plan to get one more and I crave the tickling pain of the whole process.
My soul delights in music, writing, and art. Sometimes I sing too much. Sometimes I don't write enough. My art has gone dormant due to life.
I talk in my sleep. Or so I'm told. Sometimes I wake myself up snoring.
I hate sleeping alone.

I used to be afraid of the dark. Now I revel in it. I love to feel the silky black night around me. Sometimes when everyone is asleep, I climb out my brother's bedroom window to sit on the roof and get lost in thought. The speckles of glittering stars seem to wink and remind me that everything's going to be O.K.

I love my hands. Long and slender. And though they'd be much prettier if I didn't chew my nails, they are what they are and they enable me to express myself through words and paint and charcoal shavings.
The smell of fresh cut grass makes me nauseous. I get goosebumps when I sneeze.
I love to dance in the rain.
I believe in faeries.
Water is my element. Not by Zodiac, but self declaration. The ocean soothes and terrifies me. My favorite place to be is on the shore with the tide tickling my toes. This is where I feel most complete. But my home is in the beautiful mountains.
I love every color. They each have a place. And if I were forced to choose my favorite, it would probably be green. The mother of nature. But I feel most comfortable in black. It's slimming and sophisticated. Though I look positively bangin' in red.

I love all things beautiful. My favorite show on earth is thunder and lightning making love across a dark sky.
My favorite feeling is skin on skin. I'm a nymphomaniac and not afraid to admit it. It's part of the DelVizo bloodline.

My mother's my best friend. I love my family. We're crazy, but that's just the way I like it.
I've never been sugary sweet, I'm more of a bittersweet kind of girl.
I believe in magic and on occasion, I cast a few spells.
I don't believe in organized religion.
I want to travel the world and make a difference. I want to be known. And loved.

I love freely and strongly. I'm a fireball of passion.
Sometimes I pick my face. I'm not very good with dieting.
I have big feet and not as small of a waist as I'd like, but I love my body.

Sometimes I cry. A lot. But mostly I laugh. And as seemingly unattractive as it may be, quite often, if you get me laughing hard enough, I snort. But I promise it's kinda cute.

I love to learn. A total nerd at heart. If you ever can't find me, I'm probably curled up somewhere with my nose in a book.
I'm human. I have a few bad habits. I cuss and smoke. But my big mostly straight teeth are still white. And nothing could change my big smile. Although my lips might not always stay the color of faded cranberries. And my hair probably won't always remain jet black.

I'm a crazy good time and though I'm not the dictionary definition of perfect, I'm perfectly me.

And I'm perfectly O.K. with that.

Fall. My new beginning

2008-09-15T07:43:00.000-07:00

So me and my bad habits...I've yet again, neglected my blog. But I can say, in my defense, I have been going through a lot. And I'm happy to say that "a lot" isn't all bad. In fact, none of it is. At the time, I thought my world was crashing down, but you know how they always say, when thinks are hard and you don't understand why, it's because something bigger and better is in the cards for you. Just around the corner. You just can't see it yet. Or something to that effect,that's what they say. Whoever they are.

So,to get you all caught up, I went through a horrible break up that should have happened 9 long months ago. Especially now knowing that Ass Hole was cheating on me. BUT, I am SO much happier now. I never thought I'd ever say that. I'm surprised how fast I've been able to get over that horrific relationship. But I have. And I have my Mountain Man to thank.

He has helped me through everything and been here for me and he's been wonderful. That whole something bigger and better in the cards just around the corner, yeah that's him. I'm just so lucky to have had him so close around the corner. I am seriously the happiest I've ever been. It feels so good to say that and really mean it. I said it for so long hoping that if I said it enough, I might actually believe it and eventually things would get better and I would be happy. But that never happened. And I'm glad it didn't. I do believe everything happens for a reason. I went through an incredible learning experience and now I've been placed into the arms of the most wonderful man I could ever have hoped for. And he adores me just the way I am. We're best friends too which makes everything as perfect as I could wish for right now.

So that's the big update on my life.
I found my new beginning at the most unsuspected time in the most unsuspected way.

Fall.
I fell out of something terrible, right into the most beautiful relationship full of bright vibrant changing colors.
Every day is new and exciting.
Every kiss still gives me butterflies.
Everything is far more amazing than I could have ever imagined.

For most people, Spring has always been the season of new beginnings and rebirth. But I've never been like most people. It only makes perfect sense for my rebirth to be cradled by falls cool-warm breezes and beautiful changing colors. Golden sunlight kissing my skin in a far gentler way than summer has with me. And when those cruel winter winds set in, I'll be curled up with my everlasting sun. My mountain man. His kisses against my skin will keep me warm all winter long.

Happy belated 4th of July

2008-07-31T16:11:00.000-07:00

So I know I'm super late in posting about the 4th of July. Almost a month late, but that's where I need to start with getting caught up.

I have been going through a lot lately and have been thrown into a not-really-being-remotely-in-the-mood-to-write funk.

The morning of the 4th, I was woken up by a call from Darren. He told me that there was a small Arts Festival going on in Sugarhouse. I had never known, but every year there is a street market in Sugarhouse for the 4th of July.

********************************************************************

When I started writing this post 2 weeks ago, Darren and I were still together and I would have gone on about how much fun we had at the pool party and how I successfully managed not to flash anyone in spite of Darren's fixation with untying my suit. And I probably would have noted how even though he refused to go watch fireworks with me, I still love him.

But this past Monday ended the most significant, unforgettable chapter of my life. The man I was positive I was going to marry finally decided to dump me via IM. How lame is that right?

It was a long time coming. We've been having problems since around the end of February. I just love him so much that I was trying so hard to make everything work. But in the end, I had to come to the painful conclusion that you can't make someone love you. No matter how badly you want them to. Or how hard you try.
For now, I'm going to close the subject. I'm at work and I'm going to make myself cry if I continue. So, I guess I'm saying I'm sorry for neglecting my blog yet again.

I've missed it dearly.

Phone Stalker

2008-07-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest things about working in a telesales office is getting to talk to random people all over the world. And THE greatest thing about working in this industry is getting hit on by people all around the world. This has never made all that much sense to me. Sure, I have a sexy voice, but for all they know, I could be a total heffer covered in nasty boils.

The only reason I even bring this up is because of Roxi. She gets hit on the most out of any of us because of her kick ass English accent. She even gets it from the girls.
She processed a sale a couple days ago and the lady was a lesbian. The director had neglected to tell Roxi this bit of information so she was a little confused as to why this woman seemed to be hitting on her during the conversation. We all had a good laugh about it.
We got an even bigger kick out of it when the lady called in about 10 minutes ago asking to speak with Rox. For absolutely no reason at all. Other than to ask her if she was looking forward to her long weekend and to mention that if she ever wanted to visit California, she should totally look her up.

I couldn't help but post it here. It's crazy...Roxi has like a million guys after her and now she's got some lady in California in love with her too...

It's a good thing I've got Darren. Otherwise I'd be begging Roxi to coach me in getting a wicked awesome English accent.

My dear pink pen.

2008-07-03T11:17:00.000-07:00

I was telling the tragic story of my pink pen the other day with the result of many blank looks. No one seems to understand my distress at the loss of my favorite pen.

I'd had that pen since High School. I kept it in my purse at all times. I signed checks and receipts with it and if I ever needed to write a quick note, it was always there.
Until last week. I went to pull it out and found it was missing. At the time, I didn't think much of it, I was sure it had probably fallen out of my wallet to the bottom of my abyss of a purse and I'd just dig it out later. When later came around, I was distressed to find that it was nowhere in my purse.
I hoped it was somewhere in my car or at home. But after searching both I still didn't find it. And then, the next morning while walking into my office, there it was.

Smashed to pieces in the parking lot.

It must have fallen out of my purse on my way to or from my car one day and I didn't notice. So the poor thing got run over.
I'm quite sad about the whole situation. That pen has been my confidant for over 2 years. I wrote letters to Darren with it, I wrote poems and odd bits and pieces of songs. That pen helped immortalize my thoughts. And it went everywhere with me. It even graciously accompanied me to Cuba. And now it's dead. I have no choice but to go and buy a new pink pen to replace it.
The pink pen is my signature. All through High School, that's how my teachers identified my work. If there was a name in pink in the top right corner, they knew who it was. Same with yearbook signing. Pink ink was my thing. So, I'll be stopping at Smith's today when I get off work to purchase my replacement. But my old pen will forever hold a special place in my heart.

The Gardella Vampire Chronicles

2008-07-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I'm a bit on the weird side...I love Vampire novels. So when my mom brought home the latest in our favorite series, I devoured it in one day. Yesterday in fact. Yes, while I was neglecting Candyland I was reading a juicy Vampire book. I simply couldn't put it down. If anyone is ever looking for a new series to read, I highly suggest Colleen Gleason's Gardella Vampire Chronicles. They are so good.

Whenever I read, I find myself sympathizing with one of the characters. I think we all do that, but I really feel some strong similarities between Victoria Gardella, AKA new Leader of the Vampire Hunters, and myself. Even though I may not have strong Venator blood running through my veins, I feel very much alike Victoria. Sounds cheesy I know, but truly, it isn't.

I especially loved this particular passage. It forcefully reminded me of ,myself. What I crave in a relationship.

"She was a woman....a woman who liked to be touched, who enjoyed being reminded that she was desirable...he made her feel. He'd brought pleasure to a life that had once been so simple, so normal and easy and bland...with his irrepressible charm and unabashed flirtation, Sebastian made her heart beat faster and her body reawaken..."

Devil Shoes

2008-06-28T13:04:00.000-07:00

In my search for something to wear this morning, I decided to steal my sister's cute pink tank because it looked adorable with my flower bra straps.
When I came upstairs, she offered to let me borrow her pink sparkly Jelly shoes too, so I ran back downstairs, dug them out and put them on.
Only problem, her feet are smaller than mine. I figured, what the hell, they're Jellies, they stretch. I'll be totally fine to wear them.

Wrong. Those shoes are of the Devil.

After 2 hours of prancing around in the damn things, my feet felt like they were going to fall off. I forgot how uncomfortable Jellies are even when they're your size. I think poking myself repeatedly in the eyeball would have been more comfortable. So as cute as they are, I finally ditched them and have been running around my office barefoot. It's definitely a good thing that the owner of the company doesn't come in on Saturdays. Somehow, I don't think he'd be all that amused.

Darren would be happy though. When I stopped at his office with coffee before coming into work he gave me the "What the hell are you wearing?" look.
And proceeded to inform me that,
"Those shoes have got to go."

"Why?! They're SO cute!"

"Uh-huh..."

I guess it's a good idea I brought a back-up pair of pink sparkly flip flops in my car. I don't think I'd last even one minute traipsing around the arts festival in these.

Back in Heels!

2008-06-27T15:23:00.000-07:00

I just had to post this picture as proof that I'm almost completely healed. :)
When I put this dress on yesterday, I absolutely HAD to wear my cute red heels. I know I should probably stay in flip flops for another week, but I just couldn't resist.
When my chiropractor started to scold me for wearing them, I explained to him that it would have been completely unethical not to wear heels with this dress. He even agreed that the heels did make the outfit.
And they made my day. I felt nothing short of adorable. I've so missed wearing heels. I was made for heels. And the excessive pain in my ankle is totally worth it.

Pucker up your lips...

2008-06-26T11:32:00.000-07:00

In my family we ALWAYS kiss each other. Whether we're leaving to go to the store, or work, or just saying goodnight. Some people find that kind of weird, but that's just how we are. It's the Spanish culture. :)
So last night, it really wouldn't have been all that weird puckering up my lips waiting for my 16 year old brother to give me a kiss goodnight...until he opened his big mouth...not that way you pervert.

"Your lips are huge..like as big as Will Smith's."

"You're weird."

"No really. And have you seen that poster for Hancock? His lips look like...steak."

"Are you saying my lips look like steak?"

"No. Will Smith's do."

"Uh-huh..."

"Your lips just look like his. Or they're as big as his when you pucker them up."

"So you're saying my lips look good enough to eat."

"No..."

"You're retarded."

Unconditional Love

2008-06-25T13:53:00.000-07:00

Darren killed Ariel.
Yesterday he was swinging my keys around by her tail and when I got to work today, Leigh pointed out that it was gone. So now Darren owes me a new key chain.

I was going to write about how this picture led to an amazing lunch hour on the grass under a big beautiful Cottonwood tree, in the arms of the not so much love of my life.
But now, I'm not really in the mood.

Men are the single most confusing species on the planet. And it's so incredibly frustrating and unfair. But I suppose I can't change anything about that, so I'm writing about my newest search for unconditional love.

I've come to the conclusion that, that's what all this baby hunger is about. Unconditional love. I'm so not ready for a baby. I'm not even sure I really want one. At least, for sure not right now.
I know one day far off in the future, I'll venture down that foreign path of Motherhood and take part in the miracle of bringing new life into this world.
But not now. I'm still too young. I'm still too selfish. I like my free time and being able to blow money on shoes, and I like my body.
No, what I want right now is just to feel loved. So I've decided that I need a puppy. I've always wanted a Yorkie and I can't think of a better time to get one. I'm living at home again so I don't have to worry about buying groceries or anything. And being on a break from Darren provides me with a whole lot of extra time that I could devote to loving and training an adorable new puppy, rather than sitting around miserable. It's the most brilliant idea I've had in ages. Now all I have to do is convince my mom to let me bring a puppy home. The way I see it, it's the best anti-depressant out there.

G.N.O.

2008-06-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

Seeing as all day Saturday I was deathly ill, lying in bed in immense stomach pain, I neglected to reflect on Friday night.

The office girls decided to host another G.N.O. (girls night out). We were all supposed to meet up at Cheesecake Factory and take the night on from there. But, I'm officially broke, so I went to a wedding reception with my mom and told the girls I'd meet up with them when I was done. By the time we left the reception, I was exhausted and not feeling the greatest so I was contemplating bailing on Girls Night. But I decided I simply had to go. Darren was out having a blast with his friends so by God, so would I.

So I got in my car and drove to meet them downtown at Bliss. The plan, (because we have to have a plan with Grace and I being under age) was to feign being from out of town and having lost my purse at the wedding reception I was here for. And once inside, I'd take Katrina's ID back out to Grace. Lame plan I know, but it's all we had. So Katrina and I made our way up to try and charm the bouncer while Grace hung back and waited...10 minutes later, we were trudging back to Grace. Although I'm pretty sure he believed our story, we had to have at least some one's ID in order for him to let us in. So Katrina called Ifa. Ifa is one of those people that is just really good to know. He knows someone of importance almost everywhere and was able to get both Grace and I into the club. Ifa brought Nick, Jade, and Natalie with him so once in the club, the 5 of us girls had a blast dancing while they sat at the bar gettin their "game on".

So even though Ifa and Nick were with us, we still mostly had a girls night. And it was nice to know that they were there. They served as body guards. If any guy started to try and dance with us, they were immediately at our sides to save us. Which had to get a little annoying when they were trying to talk to girls at the bar.
In spite of my 2 saviors, I was offered countless free drinks, and turned them all down. I wasn't about to drink a ton because I needed to drive home. So I stuck primarily to energy drinks all night. The only cocktail I ended up accepting, was one from the batch Ifa had ordered for all of us.

When Bliss was finally kicking everyone out, we took the party out to the curb side. Grace and Katrina pulled their car around and we carried on our dance party under the street lights. I had so much fun. And even though I was a little under the weather, going out was totally worth it. I can't wait for the next girls night out. I've definitely got the best girls around.

Wanna swim?

2008-06-22T16:45:00.000-07:00

I just got back home from swimming with my mom and the boys. And by swimming I certainly don't mean anything crazy like fully submerging myself in water or anything like that. Don't get me wrong, I love water. And on occasion, if it's hot enough, I'll get in the pool, but in Utah, the water is generally just too damn cold for that shit. So by swimming, I mean laying out in the sun at the local vicinity which houses a pool.

After nachos, hot dogs, and a smoothie, we were becoming exceptionally hot, so my mom and I ventured down to the poolside to stick our feet in and cool off. We got quite a bit cooler than either of us had anticipated. We were soon hollering at my brothers,

"No splashing!
No kicking!
No Swimming!
No diving!
No moving!"

We were half joking. At least about the swimming part, but when Jonah scooped up half the pool with his arm and covered me in it, I decided it was probably best to just stick to the chair.

Even though I ended up a lot wetter than I had originally planned, I had a lot of fun. I haven't been to the pool like that in a couple years. And I think I'm going to make a habit of going. It was nice and relaxing, which is exactly what I need right now.

True Love & Sarah

2008-06-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had lunch with Sarah. Yes, The Sarahbellum.
It was so nice to finally see her again. It had been way too long.
We did some much needed catching up and we both vented about our crazy lives. As usual, talking with Sarah left me more motivated to DO something with my life. More motivated to write. And just as she was about to start lecturing me on going back to school, I was able to proudly announce that I had started the registration process at the U just last week. Sarah has been my motivation for some of my best decisions...starting this blog, going to school, and buying the Abstinence pants.

I explained to her that I simply HAD to copy her and buy these, because with this break, I have no choice but to go on an abstinence streak. I thought it would be hilarious to wear these around the house seeing as I won't be getting any for a while.
True love does wait. And I'll wait patiently until I really find it.

Show me your "O" face...

2008-06-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

You know that frantic, almost desperate feeling you get when you're just about to reach your "O" during sex? When it's right there, just beyond your grasp, and if you can just hold on and focus for just a few more seconds you'll be golden. Your heart rate is at a record high and your breathing quickens and before you know it, you're making the face. You know what face I'm talking about. The big "OH MY GOD" face.

I know the face all too well.... I've never actually pulled out my compact in the middle of intercourse to have a good look at my face during climax, but I do know the feelings that go along with it.

So I couldn't help but laugh and take a picture when Robert stared displaying the same behavior, when I put a cookie in front of his face. For me it's sex, for Robert, it's cookies. I wish a cookie could get me that excited. But then sitting here staring at this package of cookies, might leave my chair a mess. And that's not something I'd like to explain to the janitorial staff..."Well, you see, cookies get me...excited..."
I suppose they're sort of close to the same thing, both "packages", both filled with cream...I'm going to stop now before I start having erotic daydreams. I'd really like to keep my chair clean.

I'll just stick to giggling at this picture of Robert.

Funny how life works...15 months ago, Leigh was making this same face, while unknowingly making Robert. She got a pretty sweet deal if you ask me...he's the damn cutest baby. And looks good enough to eat.
Damn...there goes the baby hunger again.

New hair and...oh shit. Not again...

2008-06-17T16:16:00.000-07:00

Me and my shitty luck...
I was feeling great yesterday driving home. Having just gotten my hair done I was feeling all sexy with my windows down blasting my favorite song on the radio. And then, just as I was just thinking what a wonderful day it was, I got pulled over.

It's got to be the sexy red sports car. I'm a cop magnet. I was also the only one on the road. So I got nailed for speeding...five miles over. Five. Gimme a break. So that's two tickets in three days. I'm so going to be so screwed if I lose my licence. That SO cannot happen to me. I'm a busy girl. I have to be able to drive.
So I'm going to beg God tonight for a miracle.

Looking on the bright side though, I did look exceptionally hot when I got pulled over.
My new hair is so sexy, I could just make love to myself.

Samantha

2008-06-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

We're sitting here in the office discussing how great Sex and the City was, and how hot Samantha is. She really is bangin. I hope I look that good when I'm 50.

Sleep talking...with music

2008-06-16T10:54:00.000-07:00

Last night is the first night I can say I'm grateful Darren wasn't lying next to me.
I only just realized this while talking to Leigh about the bizarre dream I had last night.
I was dreaming about her baby...I'm not entirely sure why, but lately I've been baby hungry. Not to be confused with wanting to actually eat babies, even though the I'm always asking Leigh if I can just eat Robert up he's so cute. But really, baby hungry. I know it's a crazy notion. I'm not ready for a baby yet, but I can't help the pang in my heart every time I see one. I'm sure it's just a phase, and I wish it would hurry up and pass.

But back to my dream. While telling Leigh, I suddenly remembered that I was singing to Robert in my sleep. In my dream, I had written this song and it was beautiful. I vaguely remember waking myself up singing and in my half asleep state, trying to make my body get up so I could write it down. It was really that good. I wish I could remember even just the words. If I had them I'm sure the music would come.

I'm just grateful Darren wasn't there. I can't even imagine the relentless teasing that would ensue if I had woken him up in the midle of the night, singing in my sleep. He already gripes about the talking...and snoring.

My Greatest Vice

2008-06-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

Remember me telling Jade that I needed to invest into some cute flip flops? Well, I think I may have overdone it just a bit.
My mom and I ran to the store to pick up some snacks for her boyfriend. (He's leaving for Tahoe in about 15 minutes.)But on the way to the store, we stopped at Shopko to get some flip flops.
When we got there we had quite a pleasant surprise...they were ALL on sale! So we went crazy. Seven pairs later, we were walking back to the car.
I can't help it. I have a certain weakness for shoes. All shapes, sizes and colors. I LOVE shoes. And seeing as I am condemned to wearing flip flops, I feel completely justified in our little splurge. Plus, I've been having a hard time with this whole "Darren wants to take a break" thing.

Some people turn to drugs to make them feel better, I turn to shoes. And clothing, and accessories, and lip gloss, and cute little quotable cards. But I figure, if shopping is my greatest vice, I'm really not doing all that bad.

P. S.

2008-06-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

My cutest toes!

Walking Main

2008-06-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

My day has only gotten better.
After checking out of the hotel, I drove to Main Street. I was a little apprehensive at first, I never go anywhere completely alone. Hell, I don't even like going to the grocery store by myself. But I was in Park City to spend time with myself, so I paid for 3 hours of parking and set off down the street.
The first place I stopped was a little cafe style restaurant and for the very first time in my life, I sat down to have lunch by myself. It was definitely weird. Sitting at a table outside on Main all alone. But it was nice, and I feel like I've conquered something inside me. Part of my fear of being alone is gone.

When I was finished eating I thanked my Waiter and continued on up the road. I accidentally stumbled into this little candy shop and was more than excited when I discovered that they sold Razzles. I LOVE Razzles. And I can't find them ANYWHERE. So I stocked up. I can't wait to make Darren try them...I've gone on about Razzles to him for forever. I'll have to pull a Jennifer Garner and take him to a playground at night to swing and eat Razzles lying on the grass. Funny how that really has been one of my greatest daydreams long before that movie ever came out.

From finding Razzles, I went to finding my favorite bookstore up there. I should never be allowed into a bookstore period. Let alone by myself. Although if I ever am alone, Barnes & Noble is the first place I head to. But back to the point. I go crazy in bookstores. I love words. So I tend to want to buy everything I see. And I'm a sucker for cards. This particular bookstore has an awesome card selection. I couldn't resist buying 3 for Darren...I may not give them to him for a while, but they were too good to pass up. So, 40 minutes and 50 dollars later, I walked out of that store with a bag of cards, magnets, a journal, and pineapple chapstick.

I almost started down the street again when I saw some kids walking out of the adjoining chocolate shop with ice cream cones...and I decided I HAD to have one. So I turned around and marched right back and up to the ice cream counter. After much internal debate, I decided on Pink Bubblegum. I hadn't had a pink bubblegum ice cream cone since I was a little girl. So when I ventured out onto the street again, it was with my pink bubblegum cone in hand and a huge grin on my face. The silliness of it all combined with creamy cold bubble gum flavor bursting across my taste buds, put me into the best mood I've been in, in a long time. The brief trip back to childhood innocence was refreshing. And for 10 minutes, I was a little girl again. I was quite a site. Hair in big flowy curls, sexy sunglasses, darling blue and white striped old fashioned tube top with a blue ribbon around my neck. And a big pink bubblegum ice cream cone. I felt like I had just walked out of a 1950's movie. I still giggle thinking about what Darren might say if he had seen me...I'm pretty sure it would have put a smile on his face. That thought alone has me grinning again.

After finishing my ice cream, I went to a few more shops. Including the Mountain Body Spa for a hand treatment. When I had visited every shop on my mental list, and then some, I headed back to my car just in time for the meter to go out. I had done it. Three hours alone on Main in Park City. And I had genuinely enjoyed myself.

On my way back down to the freeway, these guys in the truck next to me were flirting with me mercilessly. It was flattering, and in a previous life I would have thought they were hot, but I'm so in love with Darren that men just aren't even appealing in the slightest anymore. When we stopped at a light and they rolled their window down, the first thing they asked me was if I was married. They had seen the ring on my finger. I told them that no I wasn't but I was taken. That's why I wear the ring. They told me what a lucky guy my boyfriend was and that I was beautiful. It made me feel great and of course, made me miss Darren.

I'm now still missing him, and sitting on my couch writing before I leave to meet up with all the girls for dinner and Sex and the City. I just got a pedicure, and that coupled with my super cute new skirt, have me feeling hot and ready for a girls night out. It's bound to be packed full of juicy gossip and sex stories...I can't wait!

Today has proven to be one of the best in my life so far. I feel rejuvenated. Like I know myself more. And I can't wait to keep discovering this happiness inside myself...and when he's ready, to share it with Darren.

Me Time

2008-06-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

This whole staying in a hotel all by myself thing, turned out to be kind of fun.
I'm here alone in my room having a blast getting ready to check out. I slept in till 10 and have taken my time getting fully awake. I turned some music on nice and loud and hopped in to take the longest shower in human history. Complete with singing and dancing. Which I can do without feeling like an idiot because, NO ONE is here but me! It's wonderful.
Granted, I love showering with Darren, but somehow I don't think he'd be all that amused by a wet rendition of the Spice Girls...or maybe he would. But then I'd be all self conscious.
So for now, I'm really having a great time getting ready by myself this morning.

After drying my hair, I decided to curl it. If I'm going to be walking up and down Main Street I better look cute. So I'm sitting here in a bikini top and shorts waiting for my curlers to cool, jammin out to iTunes. And I'm happy. So far, this day of being by myself is off to a good start.

Bring it on Park City! I feel so good right now, I could take on the world!

I had both Ben and Jerry inside me at the same time...

2008-06-13T23:20:00.000-07:00

And it was creamy and dreamy...
The 2 men that can always, no matter how terrible a day I'm having, ALWAYS make me feel better. Their sinfully creamy, yummy, gooey-nes, filling me up as I close my eyes in blissful delight. Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream you pervert.
Best damn stuff on the planet.

Pigs

2008-06-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

I hate cops.
No, I FUCKING hate cops.

I'm up in Park City for the night...all by myself. My Dad booked me a room at the Marriott so I could spend some time away alone. Just to think about things...what I want in life...all that jazz. So I started my "me" time yesterday.

Last night I went and had my Chakras balanced. Got my energies aligned. I took work off today so I could go get a massage and then and then spend the day doing "Me" stuff until I got up here. I was having a wonderful day until about 30 minutes ago.

I decided it would probably be a good idea for me to get dinner. I hadn't eaten since 12. The hotel restaurant is closed so I decided to order pizza from Davanzas. My absolute FAVORITE pizza place in Utah. I planned to just have it delivered...I was already in my PJ's and didn't really feel like going anywhere. But the delivery boy had just left for the night so I was forced to put my clothes back on and venture out of my room.
I stopped at the 7-11 on the corner and picked up a bunch of junk food...if I'm going to be by myself, I need feel good food. Upon leaving the sev, about a minute after I got onto the road, the motorcycle behind me turned on his lights and pulled me over.
I was really confused. I wasn't speeding, I hadn't cut anyone off, and I had made sure to buckle up. The bastard got off his bike and sauntered over to me.

"Do you know why I'm pulling you over?"

"No, actually I don't."

"You cut me off. Did you even see me?"

"Not until you were right up behind me."

"Well that's how us guys on bikes get killed. People like you that don't look. Do you have your licence?"

I handed him my licence and waited. I can't get another ticket...I'm on probation. I thought he might give me a break, but fifteen minutes later he came walking back to my car with a ticket in his hand.

"I'm giving you a ticket for Failure to yield to a person with right of way."

I closed my eyes...it took all my self control to refrain from using the stream of profanities threatening to burst from my mouth.

"Are you OK?" (shines his light in my face)"you look like you're falling asleep at the wheel."

"No, I'm fine. I'm just upset because I don't need another ticket."

"What do you mean you don't need another ticket?"

"I mean my dad's going to kill me."

"Why? Have you had a ticket recently?

"No."

"Then why do you not need another ticket? You say that like you've had one recently."

"No I haven't had one recently."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure!"

We argued for a few more minutes on whether or not I was sure that I hadn't had a ticket recently. Like it's any of his fucking business anyway. I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself for keeping my cool through all of his harassment. I saved "cock-sucking-mother-fuckin-son-of-a-bitch!!!" until I was driving away. Somehow, I think that exchange of words might have landed me in cuffs. He was already treating me like some sort of hard criminal.
Thing that kills me though, is I really truly, honest to God, did not do anything wrong. He was just a bastard. He is definitely on my "If I could anonymously have someone hit, the following would be the first to go" list. Fuckin pig...I hope he chokes on a doughnut.

Shoe Sadness

2008-06-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

This morning when I was getting ready for my long day at work, I just couldn't resist pulling my cute new shoes out of the box and trying them on. Or attempting to try them on. It's quite a bit of work trying to shove my right foot into a shoe like that.

Sadly, I put them back in the box. I SO miss wearing high heels. And these adorable red shoes would have gone PERFECTLY with my "I Love Lucy" shirt today.

I told Jade yesterday that I think it's time for me to invest into some cute flip flops. It's starting to look like I'm going to be condemned to wearing them for a while.

But, even with regular old ugly flops, I can at least try to make up for the lack of style down below, with face.

Kickin' it OLD style

2008-06-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

Last night, against my will, I was drug into Home Depot by my mother.
Usually I love going to Home Depot, but being up anywhere at all with my leg in it's current mangled condition, is no fun whatsoever.
But, my mom wanted help picking out paint for her room, so I decided to be a good daughter and go with her.
When we walked through the doors, she spotted the old people electric carts and insisted I use one. I refused at first, but the horrid pain in my leg led me to consent.
So I rode around Home Depot for 2 hours in that ridiculous cart.
I'll admit it was a lot nicer than hobbling around miserable on crutches. And I do rock the old lady cart hard core.

Gimp Update

2008-06-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

My leg looks worse every day.
It's not nearly as fat as it used to be, but now it's changing color at an alarming rate. I'm starting to think I preferred a fat heffer leg over the zombie one it's been replaced with. This is SO not convenient for the summer weather. I'm all about skirts and heels.

If anyone knows a remedy for these nasty bruises, let me know. Those cute red heels I bought yesterday are begging for my feet. And I'm dying to have my sexy legs back.

Sex and the Office

2008-06-09T14:36:00.000-07:00

I work with 4 of my best girlfriends.
Consequentally, our favorite topic of conversation is sex.
Who might be doing who, the possible outcomes of procreation between them and so on. Always included in the conversation are our personal sex stories. Roxi's today was hilarious. And because I love her so much, I'll refrain from posting it here. Just know that we all got a good giggle out of it.
But hearing about Roxi and Jade's recent sexcapades has left me feeling sightly jealous and left out. It's been 2 weeks for me and I'm going CRAZY. My stress levels are nearing an all time high and I'm liable to start humping Sarah's leg...via text message of course. (you'd just have to have been there...)

So before I lose my mind entirely, please start sending my boyfriend "have sex with Candace" vibes. I've heard thoughts are pretty powerful and your help would be much appreciated. Not only by me either, I'm sure the girls would love a new story to drool over in the boring hours we spend at the office.

JUNO

2008-06-09T00:32:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching JUNO...what a great movie.
Now I'm craving a baby....quick, somebody slap me.

"But it's all you can eat!"

2008-06-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to get sushi with my mom and her boyfriend.
I was having a not so great day and to top everything off, I felt like crap. I am suffering from severe allergies and was in a consdiderable ammount of pain. When the waitress got to the table I asked for a small glass of water so I could take my meds. She brought me a Sake cup. It took filling it up twice before I got all the Vitamin C mixed in...as she was walking away I turned to my mom and said,
"Um..HELLO...I thouhgt I asked for a SMALL..." (If you've seen So, I Married an Axe Murderer, you'll be able to fully appreciate the moment.)

By the end of the night I was feeling a little beter...at least well enough to enjoy the sushi. When I told my mom I was full, she turned to me with chipmunk cheeks full of sushi and said,
"But it's all you can eat!"

"yes and that's all I can eat unless I want to see it come back up."

I wish I had gotten a picture of her face...it was priceless.

Gidget

2008-06-06T16:49:00.000-07:00

Mr. Boss Man just walked in and started telling Jade and I about the new leads we just got. We were pretty excited because as soon as the sales guys start bringing in revenue, we get to move into our own office.

Don't get me wrong, I love this office. It's absolutely gorgeous and on the outskirts of Sugar House, but it would be nice to have a place of our own. Not to mention Mr. Boss Man is super laid back and once we're in our own space, we won't have to dress up every day. As it is right now, we're only allowed to wear jeans on Friday and Saturday.

Jade: "Can we wear jeans when we get our new office?"

Boss Man: "Hell yeah. I'm all about shorts, T-shirts and flip flops."

Jade: "I love flip flops!"

Me (looking down at my flip flop feet): "I hate flip flops."

Jade & Boss Man: "Why?!"

Me: "I like my high heels. And I can't wear them right now. I'm so pissed. I had to roll my pants up all retarded like today or else they'd drag on the ground and I don't want them to fray. They were expensive."

Boss Man: "I thought that was the new style. Maybe you should start a trend. Clam digger...we'll call you Gidget."

Gee...thanks. Gidget, the clam digging gimp. As if "gimp" itself wasn't bad enough.

Sex Ed

2008-06-06T08:05:00.000-07:00

While talking to my friend Ifa about how to make Darren happy, he started going on about blow jobs.

"You need to practice the sucking"

"You're so disgusting."

"I'm serious. It'll make him happy. Take a class."

"No."

"Why not? They have classes for that you know."

"I know."

"What?" (Incesant laughter)"You know..." (more laughter)

"What? I do know. I took a ploe dancing class with my friend Sarah once for excersize at the Goddess Academy. They tell you right at the beggining to check out the other classes they offer...Lap dancing and blow jobs."

"You kill me."

I should have known Ifa was being sarcastic about taking a class. But the look on his face when I told him I knew that they offered them was priceless.
Although I could never attend one...I'd feel like a total skank.

And if Darren can't love me the way I am, pretty soon, it's going to be his own friggin problem. I can't put up with his bull shit much longer. Although the convo with Ifa was pretty entertaining.

Little Flame

2008-06-04T14:24:00.000-07:00

Funny how one person can have the ability to command my entire world with even just a glance.
It takes but one word and I could be sent to the moon and back in ecstasy, or pummelled to the depths of the earth in despair. I have been robbed of free will.
It's not usually a bad thing...but at those times when it is bad, it's heart shattering. Hard to breathe.
I feel like a tea light candle caught up in a sudden hurricane. My little flame struggling to stay lit. Sometimes I fear that the angry winds will win and extinguish it. Leaving me in a cold, dark empty place.
But my wick is strong and I have friends that cup me with their hands and shield me from the wind.
I just have to keep fighting.

P.S. I don't love you

2008-06-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Dumb ass from the Sand Dunes,

You suck. Thanks to you I have a fat heffer leg that hurts like a bitch and is covered in nasty bruises. And I have discovered that I hate crutches with a fiery passion. They're friggin hard to walk in and ugly and inconvenient.
But I hate you most of all dumb ass, because I am strictly forbidden to wear high heels. I now have no choice but to wear flip flops everywhere I go. You have robbed me of style and grace.
Not to mention, you broke my boyfriends hand and tore up his leg too. With both of us bruised and broken it puts a definite damper on our already pretty dormant sex life.
Thanks a lot fucker.
I hope your bike never starts again and you get gonorrhea.

Yours truly,
Candace

Cankles

2008-06-02T19:45:00.000-07:00

What's worse than a fat leg?
Finding out it might have a fracture. And for sure an infection in the muscle tissue. That's what.

Rotten day.
My face is peeling, I realize my boobs have shrunk from borderline double D's to B's and I have an ugly infected cankle that may need casting.

Looking on the bright side though, I have 2 new best friends...those heinously ugly crutches in the corner won't be leaving my side for some time. Yippee.