Maggie Sottero...briliant designer.

Wow, it's been a long long time since I've been on here...again. But I honestly have a great excuse this time. Right after finals were over last winter, holidays set in and that's always crazy for anyone. And then the most amazing thing happened.

Christmas Eve 2009, Brent proposed. So...naturally, I was completely swamped for the following six months. Trying to do everything for the wedding AND going to school. It was insanely busy and exhausting. But June 5th 2010, we were married at Thanksgiving Point Utah surrounded by friends and family in a beautiful rose garden.It was fantastic. I'll post more about the proposal and the wedding later, but I wanted to get on here and write a bit about my dress.

I bought a Maggie Sottero gown, the Rhianna Royale. It is an amazing gown. Beautifully crafted and exquisitely unique. I finally submitted my story to Maggie's website last night, and that prompted me to get my butt on here and start writing.

So this post is just short and sweet. I wanted to let everyone know how amazing Maggie Sottero wedding gowns are, and to definitely check them out if you're getting married :)
Below is one of my bridals...beautiful gown.

STRESS

So, I have OF COURSE been SO busy lately! I'm drowning in papers and facts about the U.S. Government trying to prepare for finals. Whoever invented Finals Week SUCKS! I've barely had time to sleep the past few weeks. So, naturally, I haven't been updating my blog.

I had no idea my little brother read my blog. In fact, it's a little scary that he does...he knows all my deep dark secrets!! But, he's a great kid and I have to admit I was quite flattered when I got the notification of an anonymous comment on my blog, via Email.


"Candace, you need to do some updating on your blog. OK? hehe. You make me laugh. Make sure, that no matter what you have to do in the day, with college, work or any sort of stressor, remember to do one thing a day that makes you happy. And pray. I love you so much! Who knows when you'll get this, because you never get on your cool little blog. haha. Love you sis!

~Alex :)"

Talk about a cool kid, right? Figures that I'd get a reminder not to let stress COMPLETELY TAKE OVER MY LIFE, from my kid brother.
He's right. No matter what's going on, I need to be on here! So once again, I'm going to try and get my sexy ass in gear and blog!

Yay Me

All I have to say today is, I'm proud of myself! I did exactly what I wanted to yesterday...I blogged and then I ACTUALLY PLAYED AROUND WITH PHOTOSHOP!!
It was really good to get my mind off of everything and just focus on doing something to make ME happy.

Busier.

I don't know how I always manage to neglect the things that make me happy. I have been so caught up in the never-ending frenzied world of full time college, that I haven't posted in weeks. I haven't even used the Photoshop program that I was SO EXCITED TO GET from Terri. That's like sacrelig. Seriously.
I'm going through a lot right now. But things will get better, they always do. I'm just once again, going to try and make more of an effort to get my butt on here and do what I love.

Busy

This week has been full of excitement...so much that I haven't had the time to post.

The first week of school is always really busy, and being sick made it that much busier. But, as I said in my previous post, my Dad took care of that. Now all I've got is this nasty cough.
But anyway, I was super busy all week.
I got my Work Study job at the Utah Museum if Fine Arts, which is going to be so awesome! And on Friday I got my brand new MACBOOK PRO!!!
I have been going crazy. I can't access the internet on it at home until tomorrow so, I had to wait until we came down to Brent's. His sister has a Mac and she helped me get everything all set up and ready to go :) So I've been having a blast. I can't wait to take this baby to campus!

Fat Wraps

So I know, I've been slacking on here but I went boating with my sister and her boyfriend and all the kids on Friday and it totally wiped me out for the weekend. We were on the lake for a good seven hours and I got a beautiful scarlet sunburn. So I spent the rest of the weekend recuperating.

Today however, I've been very busy. My mom threw a Fat Wrap party.
I'm pretty sure they're called something else, but for lack of a better term, I'm referring to them as Fat Wraps. The way it works is, you're supposed to pick a place on your body that you'd like to wrap; the wraps themselves have some sort of herbal concoction that's supposed to detox your body and break down the fat cells in that particular area, resulting in losing a few inches off said area.
I wasn't particularly interested in the whole losing inches part, I'm quite fond of my body the way it is. In fact, I wasn't going to do one at all until I heard about the detox part. So, I figured, "What the hell" and went for it. So I, along with everyone else at the party, was measured and then had my stomach all wrapped up for the forty-five minutes until it was time to re-measure. Everyone lost a few inches...everyone except ME. Now, I'm not concerned with my stomach they way it is, but that definitely doesn't mean I want to gain anything in that general area. My butt, yes. My stomach, NO. I was the only person that gained.
I got what's called a "toxic bloat". Of course. Just my luck. Apparently, you're not really supposed to do one of these Fat Wraps while on your period. Something that wasn't mentioned to me until after the fact.

Bittersweet

It's so late and I'm exhausted, but I'm really trying very hard to keep up on my blog this time around. So here I am, at two in the morning, writing.

My Dad just left about an hour ago. We had a wonderful night. I had made a huge dinner- chicken enchiladas, Spanish rice, and my special refried beans- and I'd made a little too much. So I told my Dad that he could come over and get some when he was done with his Rotary meeting. It turned out to be an all night event.
When he got here I still had my iPod going from making dinner. I was on a country kick tonight and have been telling my Dad for ages that I was going to introduce him to some good country. So after I made him a plate, we sat at the table listening to various country songs. Somehow after almost an hour of country, we switched to Michael Jackson; one of Dad's favorites. This resulted in our old past time of dancing in the kitchen...back in the days when we were still a whole family.

Divorce is a terrible thing. I sort of always knew that my parents would end up apart, but at the same time, I never really thought it would happen. I know that doesn't make much sense. I suppose that even though they fought all the time while we were growing up, I always secretly believed that they would be able to make it work. In so many ways they were such a good couple. They just got lost somewhere along the way of marriage, sucked into a terrible pattern of screaming and yelling at each other; often over stupid, insignificant things.
The first time they separated, I was in the seventh grade. I vaguely remember that time in my life. I suppose I've blocked most of it out. Not that anything particularly horrible happened, it was just so hard for me to have my Dad leave the house. I didn't recognize it at the time, but it greatly affected me. My grades plummeted and I just remember being really sad. I was so happy when they got back together.
Unfortunately, patterns always tend to repeat themselves and eventually their marriage was just as bad as before the separation. They stayed together until November of my senior year of high school. They were separated for almost a year before the divorce was final...on my Dad's birthday. My Dad tried so hard to fix things and get my mother back, but by the time they separated, it was too late.
My Dad still tries.

Tonight was bittersweet.
For a few sweet hours, it seemed almost as if history had been erased. Everyone was at home just like the good ol' days and everyone was getting along. Dad and I danced disco in the kitchen, one of our old traditions, and it was nothing short of wonderful. Spinning around and around in his arms, watching the cabinets whirl past me in a blur of happy memories. We danced and sang and laughed and danced some more. When we tired of dancing, we all moved into the Living room and had one of our "family talent nights" just like we used to.
Margarita was over for dinner as well, and my mom wanted to show off all of our talents so the kids all played the piano, I sang, Jessica sang a little bit, and Alex and David did a spur of the moment hilarious duet from Seussical the Musical. Then the kids talked Dad into disco dancing again and he took both Jessie and I into his arms and spun us all around the living room. Mom even got up and danced when we were done. It was wonderful and so, so painful at the same time.
I was surprised to find myself filled with a hope I thought I had gotten over already. I suppose that even though I know my parents are better off without each other, it's still hard not to desperately want them to somehow make things work. I guess that's just part of how divorce works. My parents are both incredible people, they just don't work together very well when they're married.
I wish, so fiercely, that it could be different. I think they both do too. It's sad, having such an incredible family torn apart.
Watching my Dad tonight was hard. Seeing the pain amidst the joy in his eyes at being with his family, but knowing that at some point, he would have to return to his apartment. I imagine it would be something like a little kid at Christmas getting everything he ever wanted, and having to walk away from it all.
It's so hard. Almost too hard to write about. Even though I'm a pretty strong person, I've still been greatly affected by the whole situation. I try to be tough and act like everything's OK. I know I NEED to be tough, not for myself but for my family.

I am so grateful for the magical time we shared tonight. I love my family so much. And I kept it together remarkably well all evening, but now that I'm off to bed; I think it's going to be the first night in a long time, that I will have to fight valiantly not to cry myself to sleep.

Shoes

Another reason to add to the list of why I love Brent. He always reminds me of the little important things in life...

Me: "Hunting is expensive, I've decided."

Brent: "Haha...how so?"

M: "Well you have to buy your tag and all the equipment, and then you're always going to want better equipment, and all that stuff's ridiculously expensive."

B: "Yeah, well, you always want new shoes."

M: "But my shoes aren't hundreds of dollars."

B: "Well, I don't buy hunting stuff as often as you buy shoes."

I sat there for a moment in severe concentration and finally blurted out my horrifying realization.

M: "I can't even remember the last time I bought a pair of shoes....actually, yeah I can it was last OCTOBER for that festival thing I sang at. And I'm pretty sure I didn't get any for Christmas."

B: "Wait, I bought you those boots not that long ago..."

M: "Damn! I forgot. But still, I haven't bought any shoes in almost a year. And besides, you got me those boots in like January or February. I need to get a new pair of shoes!"

Family Reunion

I had every intention of posting twice yesterday to make up for missing Sunday, but after coming back from Brent's family reunion up the canyon so early in the morning; I was exhausted. So we slept a good portion of the day.

The Family Reunion was fun. Turns out I really get along great with a few of his cousins, and his Uncle Lance is a riot.
Brent neglected to tell me that there would be a lake, or maybe I neglected to hear him (he swears he told me) but either way, I hadn't brought a swimming suit. In fact, I'd only brought myself, my purse and my book. So when the whole family was going down to the lake, I couldn't resist. It was blazing outside and the water looked so cool and inviting, so I tied my shirt up in a makeshift bikini top and jumped in.
It wasn't until after my only clothes were waterlogged that Brent decided it would be fun to stay the night.
Luckily people had brought extra clothes, so I ran around the rest of the night wearing his thirteen year old niece's shorts and his eleven year old niece's tank. I wasn't wearing a bra to begin with. The latter didn't mind me at all. I hate bras. But my body reacts to Brent even when I'm not aware of it. I was just sitting there thinking how handsome he is when he got a smirk on his face.

Brent: "Are you cold?"

Me: "No, I'm hot actually."

Brent: "Could have fooled me." As soon as his eyes made full contact with my chest, it got even worse.

Me: "It's like they had to say 'hello' because you looked at them. They like you."

He and his brother thought that was pretty funny. So I'm sitting there with my hands on my chest, trying not to feel too uncomfortable, but it only made it worse. I finally ended up having to go sun myself to cool off. Makes loads of sense I know.

As evening set in I had the dark for cover and we spent the rest of the night having a blast. With his family and without. Talking around the campfire, sitting out under the stars, having a little too much fun, that's a night I'll definitely never forget.

Sexy Time

Dear Self,
You look exceptionally sexy today. I know because I received confirmation of this fact from several people throughout the day. Good job with the haircut, it definitely works.
Now, remember not to become completely enamored with yourself, but I just wanted to give you a quick reminder that you can look back to on those occasions where you feel less than par.
You are a sex goddess! And don't ever forget it!

Love Always,
Me

Girl Time

It's funny how once I get started blogging again I get on a sort of kick. It's almost like a blogging high. All day I've been looking forward to coming home and writing. I had so much fun. It's been a long time since I've spent the entire day with a really good friend; just hanging out and going places and having a blast.
Today I spent with my good friend Gabby. She picked me up at 11:30 to go to my hair appointment with me and it turned into an all day event. I cut my hair even shorter and it looks super sexy so that in itself gave me a major confidence boost. Which, until it happened, I hadn't known I'd been needing so much. It's amazing what feeling a little extra sexy can do for you.

So, after the hair cut, we had lunch and then proceeded to just hang out and have much needed girl time. We went to the pet store and I fell in love with a puppy, up the canyon and hunted lizards (she even caught one and I pet it's little reptilian head like a giddy little kid) and then we hiked up to a waterfall and took pictures.
It was so much fun. And I feel rejuvenated. I'm so grateful to have wonderful friends and for the ability to just let worries go for one day and get lost in innocent fun. And I can't wait to do it again.

Irresponsible

I'd like to say that I live in a swanky high rise apartment in San Francisco or Manhattan with a closet to rival Carrie's in Sex and the City, a super sexy little sports car, and a kick ass job writing for a high end magazine.
Hell, I'd even settle for a not as swanky apartment here in Utah with a regular walk in closet, any car and an internship writing for a not too important magazine.
At least that would be a start. But the reality is, I'm twenty one years old, living with my mom in a sun-room-re-built-to-be-Candace's-with-zero-insulation-making-it-freezing-cold-in-the-winter-and-sweltering-hot-at-this-time-of-year-room. With NO CLOSET. No car. And no job.
I had the sexy sports car, but totaled it last October and still haven't been able to replace it. Due to my lack of a job, which coincidentally reverts back to not having a car. How am I supposed to get to and from work without transportation? Let alone find a job in today's economy. So I'm stuck in this vicious cycle. The epitome of struggling student. Though school doesn't start again for another month and a half.

So I'm sitting at home debating whether to tackle the mound of clothing in my room that needs to be hung in my little brother's closet upstairs, or start painting. I'm leaning heavily towards painting. It's been a few years since I've pulled my paints out and I've been itching to dust them off and get to work.
I think my artistic side is going to win today's battle over responsibility. After all, I AM still living with my mother. A fact that a lot of people would consider a lack of responsibility on my part. So I might as well live up to it and spend the rest of the day irresponsibly creating a masterpiece.
I'll get my clothes under control tomorrow.

Daddy Daughter Time

Today was a bit sad.
I had to leave my baby so early. He can't drive...it's his right ankle that's hurt. So Floyd and Kathy brought me home around 2:30pm. I hated leaving Brent. He's in a lot of pain and I wish I could stay there with him. But I've got school tomorrow so I really had no choice.
I've been reading pretty much since I got home. Except when I went to Dad's for dinner.
I am so happy that we're getting along better. I love him so much. He really is such an incredible man. I still feel terrible for everything that happened when he and mom were getting their divorce.
Mom and I have always been great friends. So it was easier to just not talk to him about anything. So my relationship with Dad...well, it became very bad. We fought all the time...I was rude and immature. Just rnning from the problems rather than sitting down and talking about them like I should have. I should have been there for both of my parents, not just one.
I remember at one point, becoming so angry with him over the phone, I screamed at him telling him never to call me again. That I never, ever wanted to speak to him again.
I still feel so terrible for saying those words. I can't imagine how that hurt him.
But we have forgiven each other and he knows how much I love him. And we now have a much stronger relationship. All that crap brought us closer together.
And I am so grateful that it did.

So, today wasn't too sad...I got to spend time with my wonderful father.
I need to do more of that. Because we really do get along so well. And I know how much it means to him to be able to spend time with his children.
He treasures it. And so do I.

Happy

With all the drama of Brent's foot last night, I completely forgot about something he told me on the way to the party.
We went to lunch with his family- or at least some of his family- yesterday afternoon. Apparently, his dad said to his mom,
"So, Brent wants to take everyone out to lunch...do you think he's got an announcement to make?"
His mom sought him out and repeated what Floyd had said. Brent said,
"No...does he want me to make an announcement?"
And she said,
"Yes. He does. We all do."

I was so excited when he told me that...
I've officially passed the parent test.
His family loves me. And I love them.
I have really never been happier. And I couldn't ask for more.
I can't wait for the day we can make said announcement.
My family loves him too. Even dad has given his approval. Which is monumental. And even though, in his eyes, no one will ever be good enough for his baby girl, he thinks Brent is a great guy and is just glad that I'm finally truly happy.

Sexy Little Gimp

Today started off wonderfully...hot n' steamy-we-could-get-caught-at-any-moment sex with Brent, followed by french toast and eggs. Even when Brent was called into work, I had a blast at home playing board games with his mother and sisters. And when he got home, we all went out for sushi...so yummy!

It was at Gavin & Gadge's birthday party that things turned sour....
The party was held at Jump On It in Lindon. A warehouse filled with trampolines, some angled on the walls and some with basketball hoops. Brent kept putting off getting on the trampolines and when he was finally talked into jumping, five minutes later he was rolling around on the tramp in agony as his right ankle wasted no time in swelling to the size of a baseball. We rushed to the E.R. to get it checked out, and though it's not broken, he was sent home on crutches and a foot brace. The big ugly boot. I feel so sorry for him. I know how painful that is and how ridiculously difficult and bothersome it is to get around on crutches. And how OLD it gets being a gimp.

So, seeing as I do now have a gimp of a boyfriend, I'm going to cut this entry short to go take care of him.
Goodnight!

Day Off

Today was a rather lazy day, but it was much appreciated. I have exhausted myself over the past week. Going to bed at 2, 3 & 4AM and then getting up at 6 to be ready in time for school. On the nights Brent is not here, I keep myself busy reading. And consequentially, I end up not being able to tear myself away from whatever book I'm reading, and staying up until the early hours of the morning. My situation isn't much improved when he's here either. Though I sleep much better with him beside me through the night, we always end up talking and making love and then talking some more until happily, blissfully exhausted, we finally drift off to sleep in each other's arms.

Last night was a book night, but as I don't have school on Thursdays, I slept in until ten. It was wonderful.With the house to myself, I finished my book, cleaned the kitchen, started a new book (Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban- I'm re-reading the series) and painted. And though I did get rather bored towards the evening, it was good to relax and rest after my busy week.
I also watched Mamma Mia for the first time and absolutely LOVED it! The music is still playing in my head and I'm trying to decide how to persuade Brent into moving to Greece. :) Somehow, I don't think he'll be all that keen on the idea...but it's worth a try right?

So that's about it for today, I'm exhausted again...well after all, it's after two...Got to get up in less than four hours!
Until tomorrow...
Goodnight

Writing Check

All my goals for writing in a journal daily, have just been turned into quite a serious contract. My Writing class grade depends on my thoughts put to paper...and in this case, my thoughts put to Internet.
Although I know, from multiple prior experiences, that keeping up on a journal will be quite a challenge for me, I am grateful for Carolee Stout, my writing professor, for making this a mandatory daily duty. I've let far too many days go by, far too many wonderful life experiences go undocumented. It's high time I put my sexy little butt in gear and stick to my goal of recording my life every day. Not only for myself- though I treasure looking back on what I've written in the past, but for generations to come. For my future children and grandchildren. And for anyone else that comes upon these writings.
I want to have an impact on peoples lives. However small or large that impact may be. If I am able to bring laughter, or provoke thought or inspire in any way, even to just one person, then I will have succeeded.
I have been touched by countless writings and my goal, one of my greatest wishes, is to do the same for someone else.

So on this day, January 14th, 2009 I pledge to work valiantly towards this goal. To keep account of my wonderful life. Day by day building my legacy.

Mother Moon

A few days ago, on my way home from school I noticed the moon in broad daylight, and how big it looked. So when I read online today that the full moon tonight was going to be the biggest the earth has seen since 1993, I was pretty excited. I love the moon. Ever since I was a kid I've loved the moon. It was my first word, and for a good portion of my early years, I honestly thought the moon followed me. My mom still tells the stories of me sitting in the backseat while we were driving at night and hearing my little voice saying, "Mommy, look. The moon's following me!"
So me and the moon, we go way back.

Tonight was made even more special because I attended a full moon ceremony of sorts. My first experience with this was last month, and I can tell it's going to be something we do every night of a full moon.
We go to this Native American medicine woman's house and sit outside around a fire. In the house are laid out all sorts of Native American herbs and bird feathers and a special "sacred" paper that we write things we want to let go of and things we want to bring into our lives. Then we pick herbs by their scent and go outside and offer it to the fire. It's crazy too because if someone writes something down that they're not ready to release or receive, it simply doesn't burn.
Mine burned almost as soon as they hit the flames and sent a bright blaze shooting straight towards the beautiful moon.
It's all very relaxing and a great way to really think about what I want and how I'm going to go about accomplishing it. It's very spiritual too. Last month I was sort of named "Pure Heart" and I dunno, it made a big impression on me.
Tonight, I told her about my nightmares...the nightmares I've suffered from almost every single night for the past four months, and she put together some herbs for me to put under my pillow to bring good dreams. So with this big bright, beautiful full moon in the sky, I'm going to test them out.
Wish me luck! I'm off to dreamland.

My Other Half

As blogging goes, I always end up writing about my boyfriends. Those of you who have read my older posts already know this. So it will come as no surprise that this is yet another post about the incredible man in my life.

Today is our 3 month anniversary. I know, I know, no big deal in most people's eyes but I still celebrate every moment that we're together. In some ways I can't believe it's already been three months since we made everything "official". But in others, it seems like so much longer. That's probably due to the fact that we've been best friends for a little over two years now and we dated a little last year. And even through Darren coming home and my initial excitement and immense love for him at the time, I don't think a single day went by that I didn't think of Brent. Even when I wasn't allowed to talk to him. We connected on a much deeper level than I've ever connected with anyone, in those early months of our budding friendship. And that connection never faded. In fact, it grows stronger every day.

He is my confidant, my savior, my lover, my best friend. My other half.
I have never in my life felt more complete. We have such an incredible equally balanced relationship. We make each other happy. He sees me at my best and my worst and loves me through it all. And I him. It still blows my mind that we wound up together and so happily in love. I couldn't ask for more. I truly love everything about him. I love his family, and his friends. I love his body, his beautiful face and hands. I love his kind eyes and brilliant smile. I love his sense of humor. I love all the little things that go unnoticed by everyone else. The way he flicks his wrist as he packs his only addiction when he first gets in the car. The way he checks his watch. The way he holds things. The way he holds me. I love the way he plays with kids...he's going to be an amazing father one day. And I love the way he treats family. He is one of the kindest, selfless people I've ever known. His love is radiant.
I thank God every day for being blessed with such a wonderful man. Not everyone is so lucky.
I am finally happy. So many people have waited to see me like this. They've watched as I've worked and struggled to keep bad relationships alive. It's so hard for me to let go. But I am so happy I finally did and came to my senses. This is what I've been waiting for. This is it. All the pain and conflict and seemingly never ending battles, were worth it. And I'd do it all again. I don't regret any of it. I'm not even sad about it anymore. The past is past, and made me who I am today. And my reward is so much greater than I ever dared to imagine.

So, on this day, December 3rd, 2008; I'd just like to say thank you babe. For everything. I love you.
Love,
Me*

Newest Addition

I've been meaning to write about the newest addition to my life.





We brought Bailey home on the 21st. She is the most adorable little boxer puppy in the whole world. Brent and I have been thinking of getting a house together, and then we decided that we'd need a puppy to go with that house. But we wanted to get one and have her all trained before we started really looking for a place.
So we started looking for litters of Boxers.
Brent actually found her and we waited two weeks before we could go pick her up. But she was well worth the wait. It was something like love at first second, when I saw her. She's about the size of a football at only six weeks, and she's already adjusting very well for such a young pup.
She keeps her daddy up all night long just like a brand new baby. I sleep right through everything :) Brent seems to think this a little unfair, but I reminded him that one day, a very long time from now, when we have kids; I'll be the one staying up all night...he won't be able to whip out a nipple and let them nurse. So it's only fair that he has to get up with the puppy every two hours so she can go out, and then try to lull her back to sleep when she wants to play for an hour :) Plus, I just don't do cold. And three in the morning in November in Utah, is COLD. And I sleep in a lot less than pajamas, so it would be far too difficult to get dressed at that hour.

It's a good thing he loves me so much :)
But really, Bailey is wonderful...and she's turned us into an adorable little family.