Cross my fingers...

The night before last, I went to my Dad's house for dinner. I don't go over to his place that often...not because I don't love him, I just get so busy with work or spending time with friends. So on Sunday when he met me at Costco to get stuff for the dinner I was making that night, I offered to come make it for him and the kids on Wednesday. My dad was so excited that I was actually coming over that he called me every day to make sure I was still planning on coming. To be honest, I felt really bad...what kind of daughter am I? My dad's excited just because I'm coming to dinner at his house.

I've been trying really hard lately to spend more time with my dad and to at least call him once a day. I want to have a good relationship with him...there have definitely been times when we haven't gotten along...even lengths of time where we didn't speak to each other. It's not that my dad's a horrible person or anything. In fact, he's a wonderful man. He does all sorts of humanitarian work and he's always put his family before ANYTHING else. And if I need anything, at any moment of the day, he will be there to help me. He's just sort of hard to get along with.

He has a short temper and he's very passionate about everything in his life which makes it hard for us to get along when we have different opinions or beliefs. I was raised Mormon and he has had a very hard time accepting the fact that I no longer go to church or believe in it at all. That has caused many fights...he doesn't agree with my "lifestyle" and I don't really care what he thinks. I do to a degree, but not enough to change myself or compromise my happiness. So we have our disagreements.

That's why I've been really trying to maintain a good relationship with him. And he's been trying too. He doesn't throw a fit if he sees me with a beer when he comes over, he doesn't give me a hard time for my "lifestyle"...he certainly doesn't agree with it, but he has gotten better about freaking out on me.

However, my dad still likes to give me advice which usually turns into a lecture. I got sucked into one after dinner, right as I was getting my stuff to leave. He was going on about how much he worries about me and just wants me to be happy. He told me to never settle for anything less than love and respect. I think he's afraid I'll get married and one day 22 years down the road, I'll find myself in the beginning of a divorce. He doesn't ever want any of his children to go through what he and my mom have been through. I keep assuring him that I certainly don't plan on getting married ANY time soon. But, being a father, he still worries.

I decided to go out on a limb and try to help him understand. I sent him the link to this blog. I have been a little nervous to get his reaction to my very blunt, honest post...how freely I talk about sex. But I feel like, he already knows the things I do so what's the point in trying to hide it from him? I haven't heard from him yet...I don't even know if he's read it. So I'm crossing my fingers hoping he can open his heart and see that I wasn't trying to rub anything in his face...I was just trying to make him understand me a little better. Just trying to strengthen our relationship by showing him that I'm comfortable enough to confide in him and tell him about my life.
I really hope I did the right thing. And I guess I'll just have to wait and find out.