Irresponsible

I'd like to say that I live in a swanky high rise apartment in San Francisco or Manhattan with a closet to rival Carrie's in Sex and the City, a super sexy little sports car, and a kick ass job writing for a high end magazine.
Hell, I'd even settle for a not as swanky apartment here in Utah with a regular walk in closet, any car and an internship writing for a not too important magazine.
At least that would be a start. But the reality is, I'm twenty one years old, living with my mom in a sun-room-re-built-to-be-Candace's-with-zero-insulation-making-it-freezing-cold-in-the-winter-and-sweltering-hot-at-this-time-of-year-room. With NO CLOSET. No car. And no job.
I had the sexy sports car, but totaled it last October and still haven't been able to replace it. Due to my lack of a job, which coincidentally reverts back to not having a car. How am I supposed to get to and from work without transportation? Let alone find a job in today's economy. So I'm stuck in this vicious cycle. The epitome of struggling student. Though school doesn't start again for another month and a half.

So I'm sitting at home debating whether to tackle the mound of clothing in my room that needs to be hung in my little brother's closet upstairs, or start painting. I'm leaning heavily towards painting. It's been a few years since I've pulled my paints out and I've been itching to dust them off and get to work.
I think my artistic side is going to win today's battle over responsibility. After all, I AM still living with my mother. A fact that a lot of people would consider a lack of responsibility on my part. So I might as well live up to it and spend the rest of the day irresponsibly creating a masterpiece.
I'll get my clothes under control tomorrow.

Oops, I did it again...

I feel like most of my posts consist of apologies at not having written in so long and empty promises to never let my blog go again.

Sadly, and obviously, I never manage to keep up on my blogging. I get busy or not busy enough to feel like I have anything worth writing about, or I'm having too much fun with Brent. When we do something worth documenting, the LAST thing I want to do is ruin the moment by turning the computer on. Or I forget by the time I get to a computer.

So here I am, once again, feeling slightly inadequate for not updating my life on this blog.
I honestly am sorry, but I'm not going to promise that I'll write every day. That's totally unrealistic for me right now. All I can say is I will try very hard to blog more often. I think I need to just for my sanity.

So this is another one of my pathetic attempts at starting over. I hope it's good enough for you.

Daddy Daughter Time

Today was a bit sad.
I had to leave my baby so early. He can't drive...it's his right ankle that's hurt. So Floyd and Kathy brought me home around 2:30pm. I hated leaving Brent. He's in a lot of pain and I wish I could stay there with him. But I've got school tomorrow so I really had no choice.
I've been reading pretty much since I got home. Except when I went to Dad's for dinner.
I am so happy that we're getting along better. I love him so much. He really is such an incredible man. I still feel terrible for everything that happened when he and mom were getting their divorce.
Mom and I have always been great friends. So it was easier to just not talk to him about anything. So my relationship with Dad...well, it became very bad. We fought all the time...I was rude and immature. Just rnning from the problems rather than sitting down and talking about them like I should have. I should have been there for both of my parents, not just one.
I remember at one point, becoming so angry with him over the phone, I screamed at him telling him never to call me again. That I never, ever wanted to speak to him again.
I still feel so terrible for saying those words. I can't imagine how that hurt him.
But we have forgiven each other and he knows how much I love him. And we now have a much stronger relationship. All that crap brought us closer together.
And I am so grateful that it did.

So, today wasn't too sad...I got to spend time with my wonderful father.
I need to do more of that. Because we really do get along so well. And I know how much it means to him to be able to spend time with his children.
He treasures it. And so do I.

Happy

With all the drama of Brent's foot last night, I completely forgot about something he told me on the way to the party.
We went to lunch with his family- or at least some of his family- yesterday afternoon. Apparently, his dad said to his mom,
"So, Brent wants to take everyone out to lunch...do you think he's got an announcement to make?"
His mom sought him out and repeated what Floyd had said. Brent said,
"No...does he want me to make an announcement?"
And she said,
"Yes. He does. We all do."

I was so excited when he told me that...
I've officially passed the parent test.
His family loves me. And I love them.
I have really never been happier. And I couldn't ask for more.
I can't wait for the day we can make said announcement.
My family loves him too. Even dad has given his approval. Which is monumental. And even though, in his eyes, no one will ever be good enough for his baby girl, he thinks Brent is a great guy and is just glad that I'm finally truly happy.

Sexy Little Gimp

Today started off wonderfully...hot n' steamy-we-could-get-caught-at-any-moment sex with Brent, followed by french toast and eggs. Even when Brent was called into work, I had a blast at home playing board games with his mother and sisters. And when he got home, we all went out for sushi...so yummy!

It was at Gavin & Gadge's birthday party that things turned sour....
The party was held at Jump On It in Lindon. A warehouse filled with trampolines, some angled on the walls and some with basketball hoops. Brent kept putting off getting on the trampolines and when he was finally talked into jumping, five minutes later he was rolling around on the tramp in agony as his right ankle wasted no time in swelling to the size of a baseball. We rushed to the E.R. to get it checked out, and though it's not broken, he was sent home on crutches and a foot brace. The big ugly boot. I feel so sorry for him. I know how painful that is and how ridiculously difficult and bothersome it is to get around on crutches. And how OLD it gets being a gimp.

So, seeing as I do now have a gimp of a boyfriend, I'm going to cut this entry short to go take care of him.
Goodnight!

Friday

Thank God it's Friday!
Not seeing Brent for the better part of three days and two full nights, made me crazy! I hate being away from him. We get along so well and have such a balanced relationship, that when we spend long periods of time apart (and yes three days IS a long period of time) we both obsess about how awful it is that the other isn't there and pine for the moment we'll be together again. I really can;t wait until we live together. Then, even if we don;t see each other all day, we'll at least know that come nightfall, we'll be lying in bed together. As we are right now. Brent is watching his T.V. shows and I'm doing my homework. It's a wonderful evening.
Brent's sisters Kaci and Terri are over too and it has been so good to see them again. Particularly Kaci and the boys. They live in Vernal so we don't get to see them much. But even so, Kaci and I have become good friends. We're very much alike- sharing the same fanatical love for Heath Ledger- among other things.
Terri and I get along great as well and even though we see her much more often, it is still so nice to be spending time with both of them.
I'm really starting to feel like part of the family. :) Brent had to work from home some tonight and while I was keeping him company, Kaci and Terri kept badgering me to come and hang out with them. I love it that we're all such good friends. God I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful second family. :)

But I've bantered on enough for tonight- I'm going to watch American Pie with my baby.
Nite!

Day Off

Today was a rather lazy day, but it was much appreciated. I have exhausted myself over the past week. Going to bed at 2, 3 & 4AM and then getting up at 6 to be ready in time for school. On the nights Brent is not here, I keep myself busy reading. And consequentially, I end up not being able to tear myself away from whatever book I'm reading, and staying up until the early hours of the morning. My situation isn't much improved when he's here either. Though I sleep much better with him beside me through the night, we always end up talking and making love and then talking some more until happily, blissfully exhausted, we finally drift off to sleep in each other's arms.

Last night was a book night, but as I don't have school on Thursdays, I slept in until ten. It was wonderful.With the house to myself, I finished my book, cleaned the kitchen, started a new book (Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban- I'm re-reading the series) and painted. And though I did get rather bored towards the evening, it was good to relax and rest after my busy week.
I also watched Mamma Mia for the first time and absolutely LOVED it! The music is still playing in my head and I'm trying to decide how to persuade Brent into moving to Greece. :) Somehow, I don't think he'll be all that keen on the idea...but it's worth a try right?

So that's about it for today, I'm exhausted again...well after all, it's after two...Got to get up in less than four hours!
Until tomorrow...
Goodnight

Writing Check

All my goals for writing in a journal daily, have just been turned into quite a serious contract. My Writing class grade depends on my thoughts put to paper...and in this case, my thoughts put to Internet.
Although I know, from multiple prior experiences, that keeping up on a journal will be quite a challenge for me, I am grateful for Carolee Stout, my writing professor, for making this a mandatory daily duty. I've let far too many days go by, far too many wonderful life experiences go undocumented. It's high time I put my sexy little butt in gear and stick to my goal of recording my life every day. Not only for myself- though I treasure looking back on what I've written in the past, but for generations to come. For my future children and grandchildren. And for anyone else that comes upon these writings.
I want to have an impact on peoples lives. However small or large that impact may be. If I am able to bring laughter, or provoke thought or inspire in any way, even to just one person, then I will have succeeded.
I have been touched by countless writings and my goal, one of my greatest wishes, is to do the same for someone else.

So on this day, January 14th, 2009 I pledge to work valiantly towards this goal. To keep account of my wonderful life. Day by day building my legacy.