Elmo Died

So, I've officially got the WORST luck with cars!
For the past year I've been ridin' around in a little, red, Dodge Neon.....never too fond of that car. However, it did serve the purpose of getting me from point A to point B.....usually. I've had to change every tire on the stupid thing....(they have a tendency to explode on the freeway). Fantastic. And both accidents I was in, the air bags didn't deploy...real comforting. Anyways, unfortunately, little Elmo didn't hold up quite so well on Friday....
I was on my way to work, in the rain, and the light turned red. I tried to stop, but hydroplaned, and skid right through that red light. And hit a Chrysler SUV...their back axel was all the way down the road....hit pretty hard. Needless to say, Elmo died. He's seen the last of his driving days.
But, on the bright side, I've wanted to get rid of that car for ages...and now I can!
I'm lookin for a Mazda RX8....So keep your eyes peeled. ;)

Knock Knock....

One of the things I love to do is get ready in the morning. Take a Reeaallyy looong shower, frolic to my iPod, and wait as long as possible to get fully dressed. So, today when my friend Ashley called and asked to come use my printer, I started the process of getting semi-dressed...much to Ashley's amusement, when she knocked on the door, I answered in the astounding array of bra, panties, fishnet tights, and my hair in curlers. We're all girls right? She just about had a heart attack. She laughed for a good 10 min...
So, be warned: If you ever feel the urge to come nockin on my door in the earlier hours of the day; you will be greeted with stunning sexiness....and a laugh or two.

Sour Sixteen

That same malt-ball headed sister has grown into a raving bratty...I mean beauty...and is turning sixteen on Saturday.
My father is from Ecuador, so by tradition, we have a huge Sweet Sixteen party... which closer resembles a wedding reception than anything else.
In Spanish culture, when a girl turns fifteen, she's able to date and has a huge celebration marking her as a woman. My father took great pleasure in altering the age from fifteen to sixteen. No way were his daughters going to date before then. (Although he had no cause to worry about me...I didn't get asked out until a couple months after my eighteenth birthday).
Anyways, back to the point of my story. Malt-ball is turning sixteen on Saturday, so the big bash is scheduled for Friday night. She's sent invitations out to over a hundred people announcing the date of her "Sweet Sixteen". Despite the fact that she is far from the requirements to be labeled as such. I keep telling her it's "Sweet Sixteen and never been kissed". She seems to overlook that slight detail.
I think Sour Sixteen is far more fitting. Wouldn't you agree?

Sisterly Love

I dug up this old photo and was immediately reminded that some things never change...I still give my sis the best advice I can muster....and make sure I find a way to make her listen. Even if it means grabbing hold of her malt-ball shaped head to whisper in her ear.

Damn. We were cute.

Fuck-A-Duck

So, I've recently started a new job and have many new-found friends :)
amongst those is my dear Roxanne.....she's from England so she's got this killer accent that gives me the urge to lean across the counter and rip her vocal chords right out of her throat....I'm not jealous or anything at all.
Anyways, aside from her cockney accent, she's quite possibly the single most hilarious person I've had the pleasure of meeting. She has me in "stitches" every day!
Well, me, being in love with her accent, asked her to record my voicemail for me....I scripted it out and had her start reading. Much to her dismay, and my pleasure, our office friend came up in the middle of the recording and...distracted her...
So, my voicemail went something like this:
"You've reached the cell phone of Candace. She can't get to the phone right now, so please leave your name, number, and a brief message, and...........oh Fuck a duck! (followed by the incessant laughter of myself and co-worker Kim.) "
This is why I love Roxi.
I've never had anyone else tell me to Fuck a duck via answering machine.