This is Me. Now.

A few days ago I was going through one of my journals and found something I wrote back in June, shortly after my date with myself in Park City.
When I read it, I giggled and realized that after writing this, I really started to try and find myself again. I've done a pretty good job of it too. I'm in school, have a new job that I mostly love, and I've got a man in my life that inspires me to do more. To pursue my dreams and shows interest in what I want in life. The following is what I wrote almost 3 months ago. The beginning of finding myself. So here goes.

Do you ever sit and ask yourself, "who am I?". I do. And my mind becomes overwhelmed with societal expectations and accusations and misinterpretations and before I know it, I've become lost in the jumbled mess of my mind. And on these occasions I force myself to stop. And think.
Think about who I really am.
Right now, I am a five foot seven and three quarters of an inch tall, twenty year old brunette gone jet black. With eyes the brown-black color of the richest dark chocolate you can find.
I have golden-mocha skin that craves the sun and thankfully doesn't freckle. Well, on second thought, I do have 3 freckles on the bottom right corner of my lower lip...you have to look real hard to see.
I have a big smile full of mostly straight white teeth, framed by soft full lips the color of faded cranberries.
The only plastic surgery I've ever wanted is Otoplasty because my ears stick out a little more than they should. But recent shrinkage of my body has resulted in unwanted breast reduction. So now I wouldn't mind some enhancement. But if I never had anything done cosmetically speaking, I'd be O.K.

Coffee runs through my veins and is my addiction of choice. A good strong Americano is the angel of my morning. Extra shot iced, with hazelnut syrup- no cream.
I prefer daisies over roses and I love butterflies. So much that I have one tattooed to my right hip. That is currently the only ink on my body- Although I plan to get one more and I crave the tickling pain of the whole process.
My soul delights in music, writing, and art. Sometimes I sing too much. Sometimes I don't write enough. My art has gone dormant due to life.
I talk in my sleep. Or so I'm told. Sometimes I wake myself up snoring.
I hate sleeping alone.

I used to be afraid of the dark. Now I revel in it. I love to feel the silky black night around me. Sometimes when everyone is asleep, I climb out my brother's bedroom window to sit on the roof and get lost in thought. The speckles of glittering stars seem to wink and remind me that everything's going to be O.K.

I love my hands. Long and slender. And though they'd be much prettier if I didn't chew my nails, they are what they are and they enable me to express myself through words and paint and charcoal shavings.
The smell of fresh cut grass makes me nauseous. I get goosebumps when I sneeze.
I love to dance in the rain.
I believe in faeries.
Water is my element. Not by Zodiac, but self declaration. The ocean soothes and terrifies me. My favorite place to be is on the shore with the tide tickling my toes. This is where I feel most complete. But my home is in the beautiful mountains.
I love every color. They each have a place. And if I were forced to choose my favorite, it would probably be green. The mother of nature. But I feel most comfortable in black. It's slimming and sophisticated. Though I look positively bangin' in red.

I love all things beautiful. My favorite show on earth is thunder and lightning making love across a dark sky.
My favorite feeling is skin on skin. I'm a nymphomaniac and not afraid to admit it. It's part of the DelVizo bloodline.

My mother's my best friend. I love my family. We're crazy, but that's just the way I like it.
I've never been sugary sweet, I'm more of a bittersweet kind of girl.
I believe in magic and on occasion, I cast a few spells.
I don't believe in organized religion.
I want to travel the world and make a difference. I want to be known. And loved.

I love freely and strongly. I'm a fireball of passion.
Sometimes I pick my face. I'm not very good with dieting.
I have big feet and not as small of a waist as I'd like, but I love my body.

Sometimes I cry. A lot. But mostly I laugh. And as seemingly unattractive as it may be, quite often, if you get me laughing hard enough, I snort. But I promise it's kinda cute.

I love to learn. A total nerd at heart. If you ever can't find me, I'm probably curled up somewhere with my nose in a book.
I'm human. I have a few bad habits. I cuss and smoke. But my big mostly straight teeth are still white. And nothing could change my big smile. Although my lips might not always stay the color of faded cranberries. And my hair probably won't always remain jet black.

I'm a crazy good time and though I'm not the dictionary definition of perfect, I'm perfectly me.

And I'm perfectly O.K. with that.