Chocolate, I find, is the most wonderful idea anybody ever had. It comes in many different forms, can be eaten any time of the day, and always puts a smile on my face no matter how pissy of a mood I'm in.
I was flipping through this month's issue of Cosmo, and happened to come across a recipe for brownies. Brownies are a favorite treat in our house, and these ones looked so good I just had to make them. So, I went out and bought all the ingredients; soon realizing that these are possibly the most fattening brownies in the world. But I suppose most good things in life are. Either way, I got everything I needed and went home to start baking. This recipe calls for 14 oz. of dark chocolate which you have to break into small pieces to melt in a bowl with 2 and 1/2 cups of butter. I recruited my sister to help break the chocolate with me, thinking it was the best way to get her to help because she's a chocolate fiend. Bad idea. She kept stealing chunks of chocolate and nibbling on them, strongly resembling a little mouse. Fortunately, her boyfriend came over and she became consumed with him long enough to allow me to carry on with the brownies. Which, turned out to be the most incredible brownies I've ever had. All gooey, chocolatey goodness.
Better than a boyfriend any day.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Late Night Lovin'
Last night I drug Ben out to Lehi with me to see my fried Jade's new house. (Yes Sarah, I made sure he wasn't wearing his extensions before I would agree to pick him up.) We hung out for a bit at Jade's and on the way back to Salt Lake, I decided to stop for gas. We went to the 7-11 right off the freeway on 12300S. I went inside to pre-pay, and was picked up on by the guy at the counter. After staring at my I.D. for a minute, he looked up at me and asked,
"Do you mind if I ask if you're available?"
"Haha...actually, my boyfriend's in the car." (Lying through my teeth...)
"Well, we know he's definitely got good taste...too bad though."
Too bad for you I guess....thank God for Ben. This guy seemed creepy enough to have followed me out to my car had I been alone. After telling him about the guy inside, Ben laughed and after a minute he said, "You know Candace? You totally seem like the kind of girl who goes after late shift 7-11 dudes."
Great. That's exactly the look I'm going for.
"Do you mind if I ask if you're available?"
"Haha...actually, my boyfriend's in the car." (Lying through my teeth...)
"Well, we know he's definitely got good taste...too bad though."
Too bad for you I guess....thank God for Ben. This guy seemed creepy enough to have followed me out to my car had I been alone. After telling him about the guy inside, Ben laughed and after a minute he said, "You know Candace? You totally seem like the kind of girl who goes after late shift 7-11 dudes."
Great. That's exactly the look I'm going for.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
The Ultimate Gift
I just finished watching this movie and it was one of the best movies I've ever seen. I highly recommend it. That's saying something too; I'm an extreme critic when it comes to acting. This movie has a great story and a wonderful message. And if you're a sissy like me, it'll have you in tears at least a couple of times.
Oh and the cherry on top is getting to watch Drew Fuller on screen for over an hour. And what a mighty fine cherry he is....I'll bet he even tastes good too! I'd definitely eat him up!
Oh and the cherry on top is getting to watch Drew Fuller on screen for over an hour. And what a mighty fine cherry he is....I'll bet he even tastes good too! I'd definitely eat him up!
Candy Ass
I've come to the conclusion that my ass has a mind of it's own. She's my super sexy alter ego, who's rightfully earned my nickname Candy.
Candy is a bit of a show off. When she's feeling particularly sexy, she makes sure the rest of the world appreciates her soft, mocha-toned self. Whether it's deciding to flash an entire traffic jam when I'm wearing thigh- high fishnets and a thong, or giving my co-worker a nice shot of pink frills just outside the bank. She especially likes to be seen in various silk or Lacy black Tangas. And just today, as I was leaving the office with Gabby to pick up lunch, she decided to say hello to the little Mexican guy working in the parking lot. She's over-confident and the biggest tease I've ever met. I think she sweet talks my clothes into dramatizing her show. She's very convincing too; always managing to get my skirts to flirt with Mr. Wind. I know what you're thinking, "It's not your ass showing off, it's the wind blowing your skirt up." But if that were the case, it would happen any time it was windy...and somehow this only happens when we're privy to an audience. And she's mastered the art of whispering sweet nothings into the seams of all my favorite jeans so she can peek out from underneath my left pocket and wink at her many admirers.
I have reason to believe my legs are in on the gig too, helping her out on stair wells by stepping on my long skirts pulling them down to let Candy say hello in her cute black thong. They seem to like attention too...I swear I heard them giggling yesterday at all the comments on my "school girl stockings". No matter how modest I try to be Candy is always screaming for attention...and she usually succeeds in getting it. No matter how embarrassed she makes me in the process. Maybe I should stop encouraging her behavior by buying her all sorts of cute, skimpy, alluring panties. But somehow, I think she'd still find a way to be seen. And if she must steal the show, she might as well be dressed to kill.
Candy is a bit of a show off. When she's feeling particularly sexy, she makes sure the rest of the world appreciates her soft, mocha-toned self. Whether it's deciding to flash an entire traffic jam when I'm wearing thigh- high fishnets and a thong, or giving my co-worker a nice shot of pink frills just outside the bank. She especially likes to be seen in various silk or Lacy black Tangas. And just today, as I was leaving the office with Gabby to pick up lunch, she decided to say hello to the little Mexican guy working in the parking lot. She's over-confident and the biggest tease I've ever met. I think she sweet talks my clothes into dramatizing her show. She's very convincing too; always managing to get my skirts to flirt with Mr. Wind. I know what you're thinking, "It's not your ass showing off, it's the wind blowing your skirt up." But if that were the case, it would happen any time it was windy...and somehow this only happens when we're privy to an audience. And she's mastered the art of whispering sweet nothings into the seams of all my favorite jeans so she can peek out from underneath my left pocket and wink at her many admirers.
I have reason to believe my legs are in on the gig too, helping her out on stair wells by stepping on my long skirts pulling them down to let Candy say hello in her cute black thong. They seem to like attention too...I swear I heard them giggling yesterday at all the comments on my "school girl stockings". No matter how modest I try to be Candy is always screaming for attention...and she usually succeeds in getting it. No matter how embarrassed she makes me in the process. Maybe I should stop encouraging her behavior by buying her all sorts of cute, skimpy, alluring panties. But somehow, I think she'd still find a way to be seen. And if she must steal the show, she might as well be dressed to kill.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Electrical Testicles
One of the highlights of being Sarah's friend is the connection to her brother Ben. If you keep up on Sarah's blog, there's no reason to say any more. When Sarah set me up on a date with Ben last April (I'm guessing in one of her attempts to avoid the possibility of yet another
bitchy sister-in-law), I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Ben is crazy...and hilarious. And in spite of his fondness for sporting hideous hairstyles, he's not half bad. Yet, no matter how much time I spend with him, he never ceases to surprise me with some new ridiculously stupid behavior.
Sunday night I received the oh-so familiar text from him, "Whats you up to?" I responded with my usual, 'Not much how bout you?'
"Just shocking the shit out of myself with electricity. Now my balls hurt."
'Your balls hurt?'
"yea, when you shock yourself, it really hurts your balls"
Needless to say I was almost speechless. Almost. Aside from telling him to grow a brain and turn off ALL the electricity the next time he's rewiring a switch in his house, all I could do was laugh. Thanks Ben, for that tidbit of information. I'll be sure to keep that in mind.
bitchy sister-in-law), I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Ben is crazy...and hilarious. And in spite of his fondness for sporting hideous hairstyles, he's not half bad. Yet, no matter how much time I spend with him, he never ceases to surprise me with some new ridiculously stupid behavior.
Sunday night I received the oh-so familiar text from him, "Whats you up to?" I responded with my usual, 'Not much how bout you?'
"Just shocking the shit out of myself with electricity. Now my balls hurt."
'Your balls hurt?'
"yea, when you shock yourself, it really hurts your balls"
Needless to say I was almost speechless. Almost. Aside from telling him to grow a brain and turn off ALL the electricity the next time he's rewiring a switch in his house, all I could do was laugh. Thanks Ben, for that tidbit of information. I'll be sure to keep that in mind.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Anal Ease
One of my favorite subjects to write about is Sex. If you've taken the time to read some of my previous posts, this would undoubtedly be evident.
I went to one of those "Slumber Parties" last Friday and I always have a blast at those. What with assorted dildoes and vibrators in an array of different colors, shapes, and sizes. Not to mention yummy massage oils, nipple gel, and edible panties. Oh and don't forget the many different creams and books on how to increase, enhance, and totally revamp your orgasms. Which, I'll admit, does sound rather intriguing.
The thing that really tickles my fancy however, is the new and improved Anal Ease.
"Anal Ease is a flavored desensitizing gel with Benzocaine. To ease discomfort, apply the cream and allow it to thoroughly absorb into the skin before engaging in anal intercourse. Or, use it to relieve minor aches and scrapes."
OK, first of all, why on earth would I engage in sexual activity that is so uncomfortable I'd have to use a desensitizing cream packed full of Benzocaine? I know there are thousands, probably millions of people out there that frequently do the anal deed; but I sure as hell ain't one of em. I'm sorry, but that is an exit only. If anyone ever tried to stick anything in there, it seriously would grow teeth and bite the offending appendage off. Upon expressing my views to the other party attendants, our lovely distributor reminded me that Anal Ease has many other uses. Why, just the other day she applied it to her newly teething baby's mouth. I don't know about you, but that was definitely a case of TMI for me. Too Much Information. She's got a tube of Anal Ease on hand to ease discomfort in every area of her life. That poor child. Even if I did have a thing for anal sex and carried my trusty tube around with me everywhere I went, (better to be safe than sorry right?) I would never use it in my infants mouth. And even though the cream in question did numb the cut in my mouth almost instantly; I think I'll just stick to Oragel. But that's just me.
I went to one of those "Slumber Parties" last Friday and I always have a blast at those. What with assorted dildoes and vibrators in an array of different colors, shapes, and sizes. Not to mention yummy massage oils, nipple gel, and edible panties. Oh and don't forget the many different creams and books on how to increase, enhance, and totally revamp your orgasms. Which, I'll admit, does sound rather intriguing.
The thing that really tickles my fancy however, is the new and improved Anal Ease.
"Anal Ease is a flavored desensitizing gel with Benzocaine. To ease discomfort, apply the cream and allow it to thoroughly absorb into the skin before engaging in anal intercourse. Or, use it to relieve minor aches and scrapes."
OK, first of all, why on earth would I engage in sexual activity that is so uncomfortable I'd have to use a desensitizing cream packed full of Benzocaine? I know there are thousands, probably millions of people out there that frequently do the anal deed; but I sure as hell ain't one of em. I'm sorry, but that is an exit only. If anyone ever tried to stick anything in there, it seriously would grow teeth and bite the offending appendage off. Upon expressing my views to the other party attendants, our lovely distributor reminded me that Anal Ease has many other uses. Why, just the other day she applied it to her newly teething baby's mouth. I don't know about you, but that was definitely a case of TMI for me. Too Much Information. She's got a tube of Anal Ease on hand to ease discomfort in every area of her life. That poor child. Even if I did have a thing for anal sex and carried my trusty tube around with me everywhere I went, (better to be safe than sorry right?) I would never use it in my infants mouth. And even though the cream in question did numb the cut in my mouth almost instantly; I think I'll just stick to Oragel. But that's just me.
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